Football clubs are the best in the world at taking any item, sticking a badge on it and selling it at a premium, because they know that like lemmings jumping over a cliff, fans will buy anything. Back in the day some of the big clubs dipped a toe into true commercialisation by producing curtains, wallpaper and duvet covers. I even had a West Ham throw on my bed that potentially stopped some “action” when a young girl managed to be persuaded upstairs whilst my parents were at work one summer holiday and as a Spurs fan she said “for God yes; for my country, yes; for my Queen, yes but not bloody likely for Billy Bonds”.
So in the past year we have had our feelers out for this new category of award. We have seen some belters that didn’t make the final cut. The rule here was then we had to see the items for ourselves. So without further ado I give you the top three items of football tat in 2012:-
3rd best football tat – VfL Bochum net curtains
Imagine the scene. You are in a bar close to your favourite team’s ground. but you cannot look out of the window because you will not be seen as a fanatical follower of your team. So what do you do? What about buying some small net curtains emblazoned with your club badge that both protects your privacy and shows your allegiance. Well look no further than these beauties being modelled by none other than Kenny “Adventures in Tinpot” Legg on our recent beano to the Ruhr Valley. Available in home “white” or away “whitish”.
2nd best football tat – The Sullivan and Gold bobbleheads
We all know that David Sullivan and David Gold have a “bit of an ego” but even by their standards the appearance of these beauties in the West Ham United Christmas catalogue takes some beating. Why would anyone, outside of the SuGo families want these monstrosities on their desk? What value do they add to anyone’s life? Unless you want to take a sledgehammer to them, of course. And the real impressive part, they cost a “mere” £12.99.
Best football tat 2012 – The Lille signing toaster
The club toaster has been around for a few years now for those fans who cannot live without their cooked bread emblazoned with your club badge on. These are really old hat but imagine my surprise when browsing the Megastore in Lille when I came across this beauty. Not only a toaster that burns Lille LOSC on your breakfast but plays a little ditty when it’s ready..”Allez, Allez Lille OSC” goes the toaster until you flick the switch or smashed to smithereens by your partner.