Monthly Archives: January 2010

Surely it’s a wind up?

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The current most fashionable place to be seen as a football club is in court facing a winding up order. Virtually all of these relate to debts owned to Her Majesty’s Revenue and Customs – i.e unpaid tax. So far in January we have seen Portsmouth, Crystal Palace, Cardiff City, Plymouth Argyle and Southend United from the league, and Lewes and Chester City in the Blue Square. So why now? Southend’s Chairman Ron Martin has a theory:-

“HMRC appear to be sending out winding-up petitions against football clubs like confetti,” Martin said. “The club may now need to apply to the court for an injunction against HMRC“. HMRC has indeed become more aggressive in its dealings with debtors after it lost its protected creditor’s status, meaning that once football debts have been settled in full in insolvency cases, the taxman must wait in a queue alongside all other creditors. HMRC refused to discuss the specific case at Southend, but a spokeswoman said: “We do not take these steps lightly.”

Chester City's Deva stadium

Winding up orders rarely lead to the end of a football club.  We did see the demise of Kings Lynn in November 2009 when the courts took the side of HMRC and wound the club up for a debt of £77,000.  Lewes, on the other hand have faced 3 in the past year, despite paying off most of their outstanding debt in accordance with a plan agreed with the Tax man.  Unfortunately it appears a new man took over the case and got aggressive, giving the Blue Square South club just 72 hours to find £48,000 a few weeks ago, which they managed to do at the 11th hour.  Chester City face a “final” hearing on 10th March where they need to stump up £26,000 otherwise they will go the same way as Kings Lynn.

Selhurst Park

However, winding up orders do more than often lead to Administration for a club.  In the last 25 years, 69 Football League clubs have entered Administration, some more than once. This week we have seen Crystal Palace decide for a second time that they cannot afford Simon Jordan’s sunbed sessions and have appointed P & A Partnership as the clubs only hope of survival.  The administrator, Brendan Guilfoyle admitted he was not a football fan to Talksport’s Danny Kelly.  His stance was very clear - “I will do everything to ensure the long term survival of this football club.” It is no surprise that the club’s biggest asset currently is Victor Moses, the 19 year old utility player.  Rumours of his departure had been circulating long before Guilfoyle was asked to try and rescue the club.  The Administrators first act was to “ban” Moses from playing at Newcastle on Tuesday.  When asked by Kelly why, his response was cold -

“One of the options for the administrators is to sell players during the transfer window,” he said.  “Independent football agents appointed by the administrators to assist with player sales have reported that there is a great deal of interest from clubs wanting to buy Victor Moses.”

Wearing the shirt for the last time?

“I could not sleep last night worrying that Victor might be injured in the forthcoming match against Newcastle which could jeopardise the future of this long-established club.  I therefore took the tough decision to instruct the manager that Victor Moses was not available for selection. The manager was very disappointed.”

Interesting enough, one of the liabilities of the club was payments to agents (Palace paid nearly £250k in agents fees in 2008 alone), yet here is the administrator using one (in this case WMG) to try and get the best deal for the club, and of course themselves.

Asked if a situation could arise when other players were under offers would be “banned” from playing, Guilfoyle stated of course, and even if the club were forced to field less than eleven players.  Luton fans may remember Mr Guilfoyle from their time in administration last year.

But what is Administration, why do clubs do it, and why don’t any ever actually go out of business?  Administration is essentially another world for Insolvency.  A business is deemed as insolvent when its debts outweigh its income.  A company can call in an Administrator at any time if it feels that it cannot continue with its ongoing business.  The Administrator is there to protect the long term and secured creditors (such as staff) and will do everything within their power to ensure the long term survival of the business.  In footballing terms it means as soon as a club goes “into administration” they lose control of the club.

The Administrator takes sole charge and can essentially dictate all affairs, apart from naming the team of course, within the football club.  Their interest is to freeze all debts, including those to staff and players, and find a viable solution to the issue.  Normally, a creditor will negotiate a settlement of x pence in the pound.  Which means that if a club owes £100,000 and a settlement is agreed on for 50pence in the pound, all creditors would get half of what they were owed – but not immediately.  This is where the Company Voluntary Agreement comes into play – the CVA.  This is the reason that Luton were docked further points.  They had what they believe was an agreement, but it was not ratified so by coming out of Administration they had no legal backing and the league thought they were naughty boys.

So why also dock clubs 10 points?  Surely this will make it harder for their long term survival?  Yes and no, but the sole reason for this lays in the Leicester City case.  At the start of the 2002/03 season the club moved into their new 32,500 all seater Walkers Stadium.  Unfortunately the club had run up monsterous debts of £30m and just ten weeks after the start of the season they went into Administration.  The club was eventually purchased by a consortium led by Gary Lineker and creditors were forced to settle for a tiny fraction of what they were owed.  The club were then free to start spending again, and off the back of this they won promotion to the Premier League just a few months later.

So the Football League (note – not the Premier League – we will get onto them shortly) decided to stop this happening again, where a club could essentially gain a competitive advantage on the pitch by wiping out their debts.  So in came the 10 point Administration penalty.  Now the rules are that if you go into administration prior up to and including 6 weeks before the end of the season you get a 10 point penalty there and then (as Darlington have done this season).  If you apply for an Administration order after this date then you might get 10 points now, or you might get 10 points the following season – it depends where you finish in the league.  If you are a no hoper and already relegated then you may think that heading off into Administration may seem like a good idea – wrong!  You will get minus 10 points next season.  However, if you are fighting for survival against relegation, or pushing for promotion then it will deducted there and then.

In the Blue Square Leagues it is different once again with points penalties ranging from 10 points up to 25 points as Chester City found to their surprise in the summer.  They can also force teams out of the conference for other financial irregularities as well – just as Boston United – see Gary Andrews excellent article here. This season we have seen the first club in the top four levels of the pyramid go under for quite awhile as Kings Lynn lost their mid season fight against their debts in the Unibond Premier and folded, meaning the expunging of their records (is their an official expunger I wonder?)

And finally we have the Premier League.  The top table, the creme de la creme.  So what is the penalty for such misdermeaners here?  Well there isn’t any actually!  No Premier League club has ever gone into Administration and so they have never had to decide on a fate.  There have been a number of near misses, most recently West Ham’s situation after the collapse of the Icelandic economy (in theory West Ham were in default of a number of long term commitments in 2008 and should have filed for Administration immediately, but appear to have forgot) and Portsmouth’s current situation is fingernails if ever there was one.  Rumours circulate that the penalty will be 9 points, but any such punishment will almost certainly relegate the club, and with their precarious position it is hard to see them returning to the top table.

In 1923 the Football League consisted of 88 teams.  Seventy Five years later 85 of those teams were still in existence.  Simon Kuper in a recent article for FourFourTwo compares this with traditional business – how many theatres for instance that were in existence 75 years ago are still open today?  And what about Airlines?  Remember such greats as Pan-Am, Pacific South West, Danair or very recently Sky Europe?  All no longer in existence.  So why can football clubs “bend” the rules? Banks anyone?  Lehman’s, Barings, Northern Rock – yet little old Rochdale still carry on as normal.

So in some ways football clubs are more solid than banking institutions.  But why do they get into such a state.  We can understand some of the debt at the top of the tree as clubs chase the impossible dreams of “breaking into the big four”, or even some Championship teams who gamble on getting into the Premier League. But what about the likes of Palace?  Where did the £30m worth of debt come from?  A club living beyond its means?  Simon Jordan does not strike many as a reckless businessman, and indeed saved the club from oblivion in 2000 after their previous administration.  Cardiff City – smart new stadium, playing at the highest level they have been for decades, yet all of a sudden the vultures are circling above the Cardiff City Stadium.

The club had raised around £3m from a season-ticket initiative to buy players in the January window, but it will no longer be used for that purpose.  They will also be selling off “assets” which refers to land and holdings rather than the playing squad.

Cardiff's City Stadium

A statement issued by the club this week said: “The financial health of the club is the ultimate priority.” The Bluebirds face a second winding up order 10 February if they fail to pay an outstanding tax bill of £2.7m owed to Her Majesty’s Revenue and Customs.  Chairman Peter Ridsdale made assurances earlier this month that the club was “trading as normal” and there was “no immediate threat” to the future of the club.

So how many more will fall foul of the taxman this season?  Surely it is only time before a club in the league is wound up, and if that happens do we enter the forth age of football in England?  Author Alex Fynn famously quoted that the first three ages were 1) The creation of the Premier League, 2) The first Sky TV deal, 3) The arrival of Roman Abramovich….All positive measures in terms of money creation…so now are we seeing reality at last hit the beautiful game? Maybe just maybe.

Up north this weekend? Get along to Ashington FC!

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England and Durham cricket star Steve Harmison will talk about his other great sporting love – Northern League football – when the world’s second oldest league launches a drive to attract more spectators by offering free admission.  Steve, his Northern League pedigree almost as long as his fast bowling hit list, will front the League’s unique Just Give it a Go campaign at the media launch when he will be happy to conduct press and broadcast interviews.

This will take place at Ashington FC, Woodhorn Lane, Ashington, Northumberland NE63 9FW at 2pm on Saturday January 30. The match against South Shields kicks off at 3pm. The ground is near Wansbeck District Hospital. Refreshments will be served.

Steve Harmison’s brother, James, is expected to be in the Ashington squad after two years out through injury. Previously he had played a key role in several of Bedlington Terriers’ title winning seasons. Steve’s uncles Mel, Jimmy and Kevin have also been around the Northern League for many years, always with Northumberland clubs.

Steve himself was a promising centre half but decided that cricket should come first. “I’ve always loved the Northern League, our family grew up in it,” he said. “To me it’s about all that’s good in grass roots sport – camaraderie, friendship and real community involvement. The standard of football is excellent and for a tenner you can have a great afternoon including a pie, a pint and a programme.”

Ashington AFC were founded in 1883, and joined the Northern Alliance at the start of the 1892-93 season. At the end of the season the club dropped out of the Alliance and joined the East Northumberland League, which they won in 1898. At the end of the 1901-02 season the club rejoined the Northern Alliance, and in 1909 moved to their current ground, Portland Park. The club won the Alliance in 1913, and moved to the North Eastern League.

In 1921, the club was elected to The Football League and became one of the founder members of the Third Division North. They recorded their best FA Cup performance during the 1926-27 season, when they reached the 3rd round. However, they were voted out of the league in 1929, and were replaced by York City.

After a year’s hiatus, the club rejoined the North Eastern League. In 1950, the club recorded its record attendance, when 13,199 saw them play Rochdale in the FA Cup. The club moved to the Midland League in 1958, but the league folded in 1960. Two seasons later the club moved back to the North Eastern League. Unfortunately the North Eastern League also folded within a couple of seasons, and the club spent a season in the North Regional League before becoming a founder member of the Northern Premier League in 1968. However, they dropped out after one season, and moved to the Northern League at the start of the 1970-71 season, where they have remained since.

The Northern League scheme, backed by the FA, will offer free admission to up to three games at any of the League’s 42 grounds across the North-East and Cumbria. It’s aimed at those, including families, who are football enthusiasts but rarely or never watch the grass roots game. “Regulars” will be expected to pay as usual.

“It’s a hugely welcoming fraternity. We’re confident that if people give it a go they’ll want to come back,” said NL chairman Mike Amos. “We hope to attract both those who never watch football and those who might follow professional clubs and have a free afternoon or evening when their team’s away.”

 Although Northern League gates have risen this season, league officials are anxious to build on the trend and to encourage greater involvement with community clubs.  Coincidentally, Ashington FC had already decided to give half the gate money from the South Shields match to the Haiti disaster appeal and are planning a number of other fund-raising initiatives. “It’s a brilliant gesture and speaks loudly of where the Northern League’s heart is,” said Mike Amos.

Welcome Packs, including a three-match complimentary ticket, will be available at any sNL ground on match days, from any league official or by emailing mikeamos81@aol.com

Further information: Mike Amos 01325 377463 (home); 01325 505085 (office); 07787 568181 (mobile.)

To have or Havant

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We love nostalgia at TBIR towers, and so when we found out it was almost (well one day out) the anniversary of Havant & Waterlooville’s biggest ever game AND they were playing at home AND we didn’t have to be in Denners for a change on a Monday, we had to go.  What made this one even better is that Mr Grumble was allowed out to play.  Mr Grumble lives like a Lord, quite literally, on the Surrey/Hampshire border.  Having a young son, an old dog and a young girlfriend takes up most of his time and so chances of relaxation are few and far between.  So when I suggested that we may be heading through the Devil’s Punchbowl he demanded that we pick him up and ferry him down the A3 to the game for some “Ale and hearty laughter”.

It is hard to believe that high profile mergers still take place in the English leagues.  Apart from the merger between Dagenham and Redbridge, the only recent high profile merger was between Havant Town and Waterlooville FC in 1998.  Both clubs were veterans of the Southern League at the time, and had bags of history to boot, wih Havant’s formation dating back to 1883 and Waterlooville’s 1905.  .The club formed in 1998 after a merger and a home was established at Havant’s West Leigh Park.

In the season after the merger they won the Southern League South Division in 1999.  Five seasons of Southern Leageu Premier football followed, where their best finish was 3rd.  However in May 2004 when the leagues were re-structured, their 12th place finish was just enough to secure a place in the new Conference South. Two seasons later  in 2005–06, Havant & Waterlooville missed out on a place in the end of season play-offs by a single point because of a controversial three-point deduction for breaking a gentleman’s agreement with Weymouth that Havant & Waterlooville’s ex-Weymouth FC player Tony Taggart would not play against his former club. Hawks manager Ian Baird claimed that an injury crisis had forced him to field Taggart in the home game with Weymouth.  A season later they actually made the playoffs but lost to Braintree Town.  However, they did get the taste of the FA Cup when they drew Millwall in November 2006 in the FA Cup 1st round, losing 2-1 in from of nearly 6,000 at Portsmouth’s Fratton Park.

Twelve months later the bitterness was washed away as the club started on a journey in the FA Cup that would lead to world wide fame. Under manager Shaun Gale the club beat Bognor Regis, Fleet Town and Leighton Town to reach the 1st round.  Then wins against York City and Notts County saw them in the 3rd round for the first time.  A fantastic draw in Swansea gave the Hawks hope and in front of a sell out 4,400 at West Leigh Park they beat the Welsh team 4-2.  With the draw already made for the 4th round, Havant knew that they faced the daunting, but hugely profitable trip up to the North West to face Liverpool at Anfield if they won.  Over 6,000 fans travelled up to Anfield on the 26th January 2008 and were in dreamland as the club not once, but twice took the lead at Anfield – and this was in a time when Liverpool weren’t crap!  Liverpool went on to score five in front of over 42,500.  Ironically enough, at the time of the game Carlsberg only sposnored two English teams – Liverpool and Havant – yet missed a global advertising opportunity with a “If Carlsberg did the FA Cup draw, it would probably be the best draw in the world!! slogan.

So back to the league and after a wimper instead of a bang end to the season, the club started the 2008/09 season as bookie’s favourites, primarily as they were the beneficiary of Lewes’s fire sale in the summer.  Despite another run to the FA Cup 1st round The Hawks were involved in a relegation battle for most of the season but ultimately secured Conference South survival with three games remaining.  This season it has been a bit of a mixed bag.  In the lower reaches of the table coming into this game, but with games in hand.  In fact so many games in hand that if they won them all they won be only 2 points behind Dover in 2nd place!  They had hardly set the scoring charts alight this term, averaging just over a goal a game, but it was good to see average attendances were up to over the thousand mark although Dover and Woking had visited so far this season and they had some of the biggest away followings in the league.

So with Mr Grumble safely picked up from the estate, and little traffic on the A3(M) we parked up at 7pm, walked into the bar and ordered up two pints of Tetley Mild, something we hadn’t drunk for years.  A couple of fine young ladies soon took cash off us for a programme and our customary Golden Goal tickets.  Lolly and I differ on these.  I go for the “lets see what my minute is AFTER the first goal” whilst hers is the “let’s see what minute it is now” approach.  I leafed through the programme and scoffed at the fact that they still had adverts from Xmas in there.  Having recently approached the club about whether they wanted articles for the publication I could not believe my eyes.  And then I saw that they were actually programmes from the original game back in November, but with a “Special Edition” sticker plastered across the front.  I cannot blame clubs at this level for doing this, although an up to date team list would have been good to have been included.

Havant & Waterlooville 2 Bromley 1 – West Leigh Park – Monday 25th January 2010
Havant are one of the clubs in this league that feel charging for under 11′s is a sin and thus give free entry.  I do not see any reason why all clubs should not adopt a standard pricing model.  After all, if I bring Lolly to any game she wants feeding and a drink so the club get an additional £5 out of me anyway.  Hats, scarves and gloves off to Havant for this policy.

I have never been to West Leigh before, but can I tell you – it is what a perfect non-league ground should look like.  Modest but functional main stand, plenty of room undercover on the shallow terraces, two tea bars serving chips with curry sauce (sorry, no gravy Northern Steve but they did have Bovril) and an immaculate playing surface.  Yep, read that last bit again.  An immaculate playing surface.  This was 48 hours after their last home game was postponed, yet here was a pitch that was almost billiard table perfect.

Bromley had brought a few fans themselves and they made quite a noise especially when completely against the run of play Warren McBean made the most of a misjudgement by the Havant centre backs and calmly rolled the ball past the keeper to make it 1-0.  When I say against the run of play, I mean against the run of play.  At that point, with just 26 minutes on the clock (our golden goal tickets were 14, 69 and 89) Havant had clocked up 7 corners to 1 in Bromley’s favour.  And not surprisingly the lead only lasted two minutes before Ian Simpemba drilled home the equaliser after Bromley failed to clear another corner.

This was a really good game, make no mistake in which both teams played a part, as well as the referee who despite issuing several cards, never let the game go out of control and encouraged a free flowing match.  Half time at least gave us the opportunity to warm up as the temperature had dropped to freezing point, and I started to feel guilty that it was passed Lolly’s bedtime.  But that was soon forgotten with the start of the second half, and Havant’s assault on the Bromley goal.  On the hour mark it was two one as a fortunate deflection saw the ball fall to a surprised Fogden’s path and he did not need a second opportunity.

So a long overview home win for Havant, and a gutsy performance for Bromley.  A break for the norm for me as I am normally in Denners on a Monday, a night out after school for Lolly and a chance for Lord Grumble to meet some normal people.  Luvely Jubly.

About West Leigh Park
West Leigh Park was home to Havant Town from 1982 onwards while Waterlooville F.C. played at the now extinct Jubilee Park. When they merged in 1998 it became home to the newly merged Havant & Waterlooville. It also serves as the venue for Portsmouth F.C’s reserve team matches. The ground has undergone a lot of work over recent years to bring it up to Conference National standard thanks in part to the money from the FA Cup run a few seasons ago. Medium sized covered terracing stretching from corner flag to corner flag behind both goals are ideal for supporters wishing to support their team from the end Bromley are attacking. While the main stand at West Leigh Park, which stretches just over half the length of the pitch, is home to 560 seats all available to use without paying extra. The main stand is also home to a couple of purpose built disabled areas allowing supporters in wheelchairs to witness the game from a raised area with space next to them for any friends or carers.

West Leigh Park also houses a sizeable clubhouse, incorporating two separate bars. Note that the entrance is outside the main turnstiles, and it welcomes visiting fans. With the arrival of a large sponsorship deal from Carlsberg in June 2006, the Clubhouse was gutted and totally refurbished. It now incorporates four plasma screen televisions showing live sport.  There are two tea bars in the ground open during matches, serving hot dogs, burgers, chips and other assorted popular fan fodder. There is also a reasonable fish and chip shop a short five minute walk from the ground along St Alban’s Road. Turn right out of the ground car park, left at the junction and follow the road round the bend.

How to get to West Leigh Park
Most fans will drive to get here so the best way from the east or west is to turn off the A27 into Havant at the Hayling Island roundabout (A3023). If coming from the west this is the first exit after the A3M split.  Follow the road through the town centre crossing three sets of traffic lights until you go over the railway and come to a roundabout.

Go straight on, through another four sets of lights. At the fifth, (after a petrol station on your right and the Heron pub on your left), turn right into Bartons Road.  The ground will be on your right. At the top of the hill immediately after a pedestrian crossing, turn right into Martin Road. The entrance to the ground is several hundred yards along the road on your right.

From the North come down A3 and exit the A3(M) at junction 2 and the follow the 1st exit (B2149) into Havant Road.  Follow this road over two roundabouts (s/p Havant) and this then becomes Petersfield Road.  The first major left hand turn is Bartons Road, and turn down here and the stadium is on your right.  The ground has a moderately sized car park manned by stewards on match days. The club also have use of the car park outside the office buildings to the left of the ground.

If you are coming by train, Leave the station by the north exit (that being the side that doesn’t have the main ticket office).  Walk north up Leigh Road, directly ahead of you on leaving the station. After half a mile the road eventually comes to a dead end by a junction onto a dual carriageway.  Cross the road and walk along the right hand side of the dual carriageway (this is pavemented, the route runs along a housing estate).  Continue up to the next set of traffic lights, just before a petrol station and opposite the Heron pub, and looking right you should see a dead end road and the ground’s floodlights. Turn into the road and the ground entrance is a hundred yards on the left.

How to get a ticket for West Leigh Park
Pay on the door for all at Havant. Admission prices for league matches for the 2009/10 season are:

Adults: £10, Senior Citizens / Students (with NUS card) / Children 11-16: £5, Children under 11 FREE when accompanied by an adult.  There is no additional charge for entry to the main stand.

A rolling stone has no home

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In In the second week of December another football club in the non-leagues unfortunately bit the dust.  Kings Lynn FC, formerly of the Northern Premier League simply could not cope in the modern world after their relegation last season from the Blue Square North and their one hundred year plus history was as irrelevant as a Graham Norton joke.  Not that Kings Lynn were the first nor would they be the last in the modern era of football to suffer this fate.  Ironically, one of the highest profile clubs to have disappeared off the football map was Maidstone United, then of the Football League Fourth Division in 1992.  The whole saga has been reported on numerous occasions in other publications but below is a simple summary.

Maidstone United were founder members of the Alliance Conference, the league below the Football League when it commenced in 1979.  They subsequently won this league in 1984 but at the time promotion to the league was controlled via a vote of the chairman, which was of course a closed shop.  In 1989 they won the Alliance Conference again but this time promotion was automatic and they replaced Darlington in the football league.  Unfortunately they would not be playing in the administrative capital of Kent.  They had sold their ground in 1988 to fund their investment in the squad to developers and had agreed a ground share with Dartford FC at their Watling Road ground.  The first season was a relative success as they finished in the play-offs and were denied a game at Wembley by Cambridge United in the semi-finals.  The club always planned to move back to Maidstone and that summer bought some land in the town for £400,000 but were then denied planning permission.  At the same time the Football Licensing authority demanded urgent repairs of Watling Street in order to comply with Football League rules, which would not have been needed if Dartford were the only residents – so the burdon fell on the Stones.  They had only one option, putting the squad up for sale.

The following season was a disaster on the pitch, and with the Stones falling into financial trouble it was putting pressure on their landlords, Dartford.  It was too much for the club and at the end of the 1991/1992 season they went into liquidation despite efforts to merge with other teams (such as Newcastle Blue Star).

I followed this with interest.  At the time I was in my early twenties.  I had been invited on a number of occasions to train with the club as they looked locally for talent, and being a local lad I fitted the bill.  My dreams of a career along side such stars as Gary Breen evaporated one summer’s day when I turned up for training only to find no one there.   I still have my original shirt given to me at my first session, which I hit from the administrator in case they wanted it back.

A few months later a new club, formed by the current Chairman Paul Bowden-Brown under the name Maidstone Invicta and played in the lower reaches of the Kent leagues.  They kept making progress on and off the pitch as they attempted to win every competition, irrespective of its size they entered.  In 2001 they moved to Central Park in Sittingbourne, and more latterly in Bourne Park Sittingbourne.  They finally moved out of the Kent leagues in 2006 when they won the title and joined the Isthmian League South, some four levels below the Football League.  They surprised many by winning this league at the first attempt, taking their place in 2007 in the Isthmian Premier League.  The club also applied for permission to build a new stadium in Maidstone town centre although funding was initially turned down so they decided to move out of Sittingbourne and share instead with Ashford in their Homelands stadium.

The season was a struggle, not helped by a serious injury to manager Alan Walker in pre-season training.  They went into the last game of the season against Folkstone Invicta needing a win to stay up, which they duly did and relegated the visitors in the process in front of over 1,300!  Last season was a bit more stable as the club finished in 15th place and enjoyed renewed acquaintances with rivals Dartford.

So what of this season?  Well in the Rymans Premier League they sit in 9th place and are again more than holding their own.  Crowds have been disappointing at just over the 300 mark proving the struggle the club has to bring back the magic and more importantly the fans to support the team.  With so few teams in this area of England football does not seem to stir the passion in the loins of Kentish people!  However, the real story was brewing in the FA Trophy.  After promotion in 2007 they left behind the mysteries of the FA Vase and moved into the big boys cup.  A 1-0 win in the first round replay against Waltham Forest saw them into the second round where they put league form behind them and beat Bognor Regis Town away 2-0.  In the third qualifying round they ripped up the form book by beating Bromley 1-0 away and thus reaching the 1st round for the first time.  And then came the draw….number 22 Maidstone United, will play number 13 Histon…The Stutes located a few miles north of Cambridge has essentially been propelled into the public eye just over a year ago when they beat Leeds United at their tiny Glassworld Stadium in the FA Cup.  The club, managed by long ball specialist John Beck had ended last season one goal away from a place at Wembley in the Blue Square Play Off Final.  But twelve months is a long time in football and they came into this game in mid-table with Beck long gone, new manager Steve Fallon suspended after he was critical of the new chairman’s cost cutting measures, and strong rumours that the club were on the verge of entering administration.

In the build up to the game I made contact with the club asking for some information.  Paul Bowden-Brown responded to my email within seconds with an offer of a press pass and an interview at the game.  How could I say no to such hospitality?  I couldn’t, so after dropping CMF off at one of Britain’s biggest Outlet centres some 2 miles away from The Homelands Stadium, me and the girls pitched up at the rural setting for the biggest game in the Stone’s modern history…..except the pesky Kent rain had put pay to any play, with the Histon coach already arrived.  I had no option but to return to the shops and endure an afternoon of listening to 5live…And then the saga of bad weather started.  The tie was postponed no less than six times due to first rain, then snow and finally ice caused serious financial pressure on the Stones and Ashford Town, as obviously home games are the main revenue generator.  The FA told the club that the 19th was the last chance they had before the forfeited home advantage.

In the period between the first game in early December, and the 19th January 2010 it had been a case of all change at Histon.  Fallon was welcomed back as manager on the 9th January after his suspension for divulging confidential information about playing budgets to the team.  Fallon, who had been in place for a decade.  But three days later, Fallon was sacked – “”After resuming the role only yesterday it soon became very evident that underlying irreconcilable differences between Steve and myself and the board would preclude the partnership ever working for the benefit of Histon FC.” was the official line from Chairman Tony Roach.  So with a tie away to Salisbury City up for grabs, the game commenced.  What you don’t want in these games is to concede an early goal, and that is exactly what happened as Bolland put Histon ahead in the 8th minute.  The Stones held their own for most of the remainder of the game but two late goals put an unfair reflection on the final score.  Again, the disappointment for Maidstone was the very small crowd of just 238.

After the FA Trophy drama it was back to normal with a home game against Boreham Wood, the first home league game for the Stones since they managed to squeeze in the Margate game on Boxing Day.  The middle of the Rymans Premier looked a bit like the M20 under operation Stack with just 10 points separating 14 teams – from the final play off spot to the final relegation place.  The cold snap had meant postponements all over the shop and so some teams such as Billericay Town in 20th place could actually go above Hastings Town in 2nd place with their games in hand.

As luck would have it, Big Nige (my elder brother) had paid for CMF and myself to go away for the night sans children as part of my 40th Birthday present.  He chose Eastwell Manor and Spa, some 3 miles from the Homelands Stadium, and as I was still under the 40 days/40 Nights rule of doing what I want, I chose to go to the football, CMF back to the shops! Who said romance was dead!

Maidstone United 0 Boreham Wood 1 – The Homelands Stadium – Saturday 23rd January 2010
After CMF taxi’s had dropped me outside the bar I could hardly refuse a pint before kick off.  The function room at the Homelands is, well, functional, with a large projector screen showing the end of the Chelsea game and a very interesting programme and memorabilia sale in aid of the Bobby Moore Cancer Trust.

The standard Non-League £10 got me in, and in chilly conditions it was easy to see how this game was in doubt up until a mid morning pitch inspection.  Puddles littered the playing surface and it wasn’t going to be an afternoon of passing football that is for sure.  I positioned myself in my favoured position between the dugouts to listen to the banter, and didn’t have to wait for long as both benches were united in their abuse for the officials.  Boreham Wood were the better team in early exchanges, and if their lanky centre forward Effiong could have used his obvious muscle on a couple of occasions they would have taken the lead before the 20th minute/  A break into the box caused panic and the Maidstone keeper, Jamie Turner pulled down Lee Allinson.  I broke my golden rule of the golden goal.  I opened it before the first score.  Twenty one minutes……My watch said 19 minutes and 10 seconds, so we needed some delaying action but alas it was not to come.  Forty five seconds later the ball was in the net as Mario Noto’s penalty bulged….I had missed out for the second week in a row by a matter of seconds.

The rest of the first half saw the ball hardly touch the ground as both teams tried to avoid the swamp in the middle.  An injury to a Boreham Wood defender led to some abuse being hurled from the bench – “Get up you tart!”…but it was coming from his own bench!  Then another poor decision had Maidstone’s boss Lloyd Hume “Humeing”….his tirade of seven, yep seven expletives in a row were met with mirth by all those around the dugouts, all apart from a scary looking female steward who forthrightly told him to “Sit down and shut up”.  And the most amazing part was that he did!

It didn’t stop him berating the officials at length on the walk back to the dressing rooms at half time although quite what he hoped to achieve I do not know.  The second half was more of the same from both teams.  Maidstone’s keeper was the busier of the two and made some excellent saves, none more so than from Effiong.  The home side’s best chance came when Peter Hawkins who blasted over a golden opportunity from a few yards out.

So, with six minutes added at the end of the game Maidstone threw everything forward but the impressive Boreham Wood back line held firm.  CMF had arrived and I persuaded her to come for a swift half back in the bar, but was amazed that we were the first people in there.  Then came Razor Ruddock and his mates (yep, Neil Ruddock in his best Vinnie Jones goes shooting clubber). Ten minutes later the number had trebled but surely more fans could have made the effort?  The 233 who did attend are certainly behind the club, most of whom supported club colours, but as it has been publically stated on a number of times, the club needs more fans through the turnstiles.

Twenty minutes later we were back in our manner house, champagne in hand.  If only all of our awaydays could be this luxurious!

Coming soon – An interview with Jamie Barber, founder of the Virtual Stadium.

About The Homelands
The Homelands is home to both Maidstone United and Ashford Town.  Fifteen years ago the stadium hosted Ashford’s FA Cup game against Fulham (then in the third tier of English football) in front of 3,300.  It is the centre point of a new Sports Village that has been proposed for the area.

It has one main  stand that runs 2/3rds of the way down the length of the pitch and offers some good views of the action.  Opposite there is just a fenced separating the pitch from the path, and behind each goal are small covers over three rows of terracing.  There is a large bar at the far end of the main stand, but is accessible from the outside only.

How to get to the Homelands
By Car – Leave the M20 at Junction 10, follow the signs for Ashford International Station and Brenzett. This will be Bad Munsterieful Road. Follow this road straight over at the first roundabout (McDonalds drive thru and Travel Inn on your right). At the next roundabout take the first exit for Kingsnorth. At the next roundabout go straight over (Tesco on your left). Follow this road for about twomiles, going through Kingsnorth, passing the cricket club on the left. The Homelands is 300 yards on your left.

By Train – The nearest station is Ashford International, which is four miles from the stadium. Trains from Maidstone to Ashford are plentiful with a journey time of 22 minutes (fast) or 30 minutes (stopping). From there a taxi will cost around £5 to the stadium.

How to get a ticket for the Homelands
It’s pay on the door for everyone with entry at £10 for Adults, £7 for Concessions and children under 11 free with every paying adult.  Well, sort of pay on the door as you have to buy your raffle ticket style entry ticket from a window beside the turnstile before you enter. Transfer to the single stand is free of charge.


Northern lads love gravy

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“Happy Birthday to me, Happy Birthday to me, Happy Birthday to Stuart, Happy Birthday to me..” Ten days ago I turned 40 and CMF vowed 40 days and nights of celebration.  Unfortunately our inability in this country to cope with any snow meant a number of events had to be cancelled.  However, the snow wasn’t going to spoil a weekend away, sans children avec Northern Steve and CMFS.  Northern Steve had turned 40 a few days before me so it was the sisters who set the agenda and booked Centerparcs in Sherwood Forest.  Shamed into returning a favour, Steve and I set aside some beer money and paid for them to go to the Spa for a few hours, giving us a perfect opportunity for a cheeky football trip.  Our first option was Retford United v Boston United but that fell foul of the weather on Friday, so I consulted the TBIR crystal ball and out popped Hucknall Town, which apparently was close by, but where exactly?

17 miles due south westish actually, sitting just inside the M1 north of Nottingham.  Initially I was put off as I have a deep loathing of Simply Red, and that ginger haired Manc Twat who has ruined so many good songs over the years (Money’s too tight to mention, Holding back the years, Fairground, etc) and the fact that he hogs all the glory himself whilst the rest of the ground twiddle their thumbs.  You may remember me introducing you to the laminated list concept a few years ago.  Well on the reverse side is a list of 5 people that if you meet them you should be able to slap without any reproach of legal or criminal action.  Mr Hucknall is number one on my list.  But what has that got to do with Hucknall Town?  Absolutely nothing apart from whenever I mentioned it to anyone on Facebook or Twitter I received answers such as “Where’s Mick?”, “Is it a Fair sized Ground”, and “I bet you were “Holding up the beers”.

Apart from a slight Google Maps detour down a road that didn’t exist the journey was not problematic at all.  There was no snow left in this part of the East Midlands, and after paying our £1 to park, and £8 to enter via a clever portakabin-cum-turnstile, who should be bump straight into – not only Dave Gamble, who was not unfortunately off to put a bet on, but into the board room, which was another portakabin but with Sky Sports.  Hucknall Town were formed as Hucknall Colliery Welfare in 1945, and played under this moniker until 1987 when young children started to question what a coal mine or a colliery was.  This area was once world known for its coal mines but today there is little evidence of any subterranean activity apart from the mole hills that littered the car park.

They had stints in the Midlands Leagues before reaching the Northern (now Unibond) Premier League in 1999, and five years later they won the league.  Unfortunately their Watnall Road ground did not meet the new Conference National guidelines so they had to move into the newly founded Conference North.  In 2005 came their greatest moment when after beating the likes of Southport, Northwich Victoria, Hereford United and finally Bishops Stortford they reached the final of the FA Trophy against Grays Athletic at Villa Park.  Thousands travelled down the M1 and M42 for the game and despite holding the Conference side for 120 minutes at 1-1, Hucknall lost 6-5 on penalties.  The last few years have been a bit of a struggle as they finished in the relegation zone in 2008, only to be saved by the demise of Halifax Town, but could not escape relegation last season.

So for the first time in their history they were relegated and dropped back into the Unibond Premier League to face the likes of Bradford Park Avenue, FC United of Manchester, Boston United and local rivals Retford United.  This season has been a mixed bag for them.  Great wins such as the 2-1 victory away at league leaders Retford have been tempered with home defeats to FC United and North Ferriby United.  The league did initially start off as a 21 team league but Kings Lynn’s demise before Christmas has reduced it to 20, although with Durham City still hanging on by their fingernails it may reduce to 19 before too long (Durham have now Played 20 Lost 20 – see post here about their plight).

So we had a wander around the ground some fifteen minutes prior to kick off and counted 23 other fans, most of whom seemed die hard Hucknall supporters complete with flat caps (but no whippets in sight).  The ground is basic but certainly has some unique features.  A covered stand runs the length of the pitch with 5 rows of seats, and at one end a space has been cleared for terracing (where the home fans congregated during the first half).  Behind one goal is a covered shallow terrace, and then at the opposite end is an open terrace of three rows.  And then you have the other side of the ground.  Here you had a series of connected portakabins, including one on top of the other and a ladder up which must have been the executive box – it certainly offered the best view of the house.  There is no terracing or seats on this side, just a wide path – somewhat lacking in something.

Right on queue of the teams entering the arena, the home fans piled out of the bar in the corner of the ground, and it was game on!

Hucknall Town 5 Burscough 2 – Watnall Road – Saturday 16th January 2010
Our opponents for the day were Burscough.  You could ask the same “Where is?” question to the visitors (and Northern Steve did) but being an expert at this level I knew – somewhere in Scouseland….well north of Liverpool but south of Blackpool to be precise. Did you know that it is illegal for a woman to be topless unless she works in a tropical fish store?  Apparently it is so does that mean that lapdancing or “gentlemens” bars are outlawed?  Anyway I digress….Burscough themselves had had their day in the sun when they beat Tamworth in the FA Trophy final at Villa Park in 2003.  So we took our place on the open terrace, the referee blew his whistle, I took a sip of tea and it was 1-0 to the home team.  From kick off the ball found its way back to the keeper who hoofed it long, the ball was flicked on and expertly drilled into the net by Tyeisse Nightingale (for some reason called TJ).  Queue ridiculous dance routine to no one in particular in the corner.

It seemed obvious that neither team actually liked each other based on the “competitive” tackling going on.  The 171 fans present winced on more than one occasion, and it was in the 7th minute when the first casualty, Matty Parry, had to depart (along with a yellow card) when Burscough’s full back was crunched.  The First Aid team ran on and tried to assemble a stretcher that they obviously got for Christmas and had not read the instruction manual.

We took our place next to the away dugout and listened to the dulcit Scouse tones from the visitors bench.  They were keen on “squeezing” which didn’t seem to mean anything, and they were in the linesman’s face as soon as any tackle went in.  They weren’t happy with one particular challenge that went unpunished – “Linesman, your mate (the referee I assume) is as bent as Dale Winton” was the pick of the remarks.  Apparently there is a rule that says only 1 person from the bench can stand in the technical area at a time.  Burscough’s coach stood leaning against the dugout, and was told every minute or so by the linesman to sit down – “Calm down son” was the standard response.  Of course at this level there is no Fourth Official to police the area.

Forty five minutes were up so we started wandering down to the bar for a well earnt pint.  As we walked behind the dugout there was a muted cheer and it appeared we had missed Burscough’s equaliser.  So I cannot tell you a think about that one.  But I can tell you that Talk of the Town, Hucknall’s well appointed bar, is in fact Hucknall’s premier night spot.  The bar could have been used as a double Sir Steve Redgrave suite in Phoenix Nights, but it served our purpose well.  Pint of Strongbow for Northern Steve and a pint of Mild for me – in fact my first ever pint of Mild.  And it went down a treat.  So much so we delayed our re-entrance until the 47th minute.  And what did we find?  2-2…2 bloody 2.  Two goals in the first minute of the second half.  One of the Hucknall fans told us that Adrian Hawes had put Hucknall ahead and then “some bloke equalised for your lot from kick off”…Good to see us blend in then!

Northern Steve has started a campaign which he has written to his MP about which will force football clubs to serve “Chips with Gravy” at all grounds.  He believes it should be part of the Football Licensing Authority’s ground grading criteria.  We had already seen that Hucknall did chips , as well as “Extras” which included Gravy.  We had already warned our respective CMF’s (and CMN in Northern Steve’s case) that on no account they should ask for Extras at the Spa as it could lead to offence and possible ejection (rather than ejaculation fnaar, fnaar).  But what they don’t know can’t hurt them…So we indulged, although we were disappointed to hear that there were no pies as “That lazy bugger thought the game would be off, and couldn’t be arsed to get out of bed early enough to get them out of the freezer”..not quite sure who they were talking about but I assume he was in for a kicking later.  Chips with gravy yes…..overcooked french fries with gravy – a big no.  The outer coating of the chips had formed a solid barrier which the gravy could not penetrate leading to some flicking accidents.

As we were trying to make sense of this chips and gravy dilemma, Hucknall only went and scored again.  Two out of five ain’t bad Meat Loaf nearly sang after Antwon Bonnick scored.  Talk about strange names of goal scorers – all it needed was for Reubens Wiggins-Thomas to score to complete the set and the lad obliged a few minutes later, slotting home from close range.  I cannot see this lad making it in the Premier League with a name like that – the cost of getting his name printed on your back would be more expensive than the shirt itself!

So with the clock running down we wandered around the ground to near the exits ready for the final whistle rush.  The Hucknall faithful were still keeping up their noise behind the goal and the two away fans that we saw earlier had long since departed.  There was still time for a fifth as TJ Nightingale ended a fine move to score a seventh goal which matched the yellow cards issued.

A great afternoon, which on reflection had little in the way of goalmouth action surprisingly but it just went to show how much we had missed football.  The girls had had a nice time too and were already tucking into a beer or two watching the football in the bar when we got back.  All we needed for a perfect night out was for them to suggest an Indian, which they duly did…and that is why we all love northern woman…

About Watnall Road
Watnall Road is a typical non-league ground.  Homely, with some old fashion charm that is lost in the Football Leagues.  It has a capacity of around 3,000 with a seated capacity of 250 located along the side of the pitch in a shallow stand that has some terracing at one end.  There is terracing behind each goal, with a covered stand at the south end and an open terrace of three wide steps at the far end.  In the north west corner is the refreshment van which serves all the delights that you would expect.

At the south end of the ground you will also find the bar, which doubles up as the night spot – Talk of the Town, which is open to all fans before, during and after the game.  The east side of the ground is neither a stand or a terrace but rather a wide walkway.  Here you will find the club shop and first aid room in one of the portakabins and a strange double decker structure that appears to be the control room.

The ground is graded for Step 2 of the pyramid – which is currently Conference North but not for anything higher although it may be some time before the ground is ready for that next stage anyway.

How to get to Watnall Road
The ground is located to the west of Hucknall town centre and is easily reached from Nottingham.  There is a regular tram that runs from Nottingham Midland station to Hucknall taking 35 minutes, or you can get the 15 minute train instead.  Trent Buses run from Hucknall station to the ground.  By car you need to head for the A611 which runs from Mansfield to M1 junction 27.  The ground is next to the roundabout with Watnall Road.  Parking is plentiful and costs £1.

Getting a ticket for Watnall Road
There is plenty of room for 99.999% of games here and so pay on the gate for all games.  £8 for Adults and £3 for children.