Monthly Archives: August 2009

The Road to Wembley with thunder and lightning….

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The Ball is Round

The Ball is Round


A weeks ago the road to Wembley started for this season.  Just 76 days after Chelsea lifted the trophy at Wembley Stadium, this seasons competition kicked off with Flackwell Heath of the Futbol Hellenic Premier Division beating Welwyn Garden City 4-0.  The Heathens, as they are known were the first club in the draw for the Preliminary Round, along with such teams as Bemerton Heath Harlequins, Chessington & Hook United (winning the battle of the Theme Parks with Chertsey Town), West Allotment Celtic and AFC Wulfrunians.  Some of the unlucky losing teams included Cadbury Athletic, Pilkingston XXX (no relation to Castlemaine XXXX) and ruining their dream of a local day out, Wembley.  At this stage of the competition, the games are regionalised and so the draw often throws up some local interest such as the games between Kidlington (home of Richard Branson) and Abingdon Town (home of Bernie Eccleston) or South Shields versus Newcastle Benfield.

The second round, officially called the Preliminary Round was drawn on Monday 17th August, and games were to be played across the whole of the Bank Holiday weekend, meaning a groundhoppers paradise.  Every year I say I would do the Road to Wembley, following a team until they got knocked out, and then their victors until the final.  It never happens though.  Last season I started in the final qualifying round with Grays, but a draw against Carlisle United away put pay to that project!  This season I missed the Extra Qualifying round, but drew a winning team out of the hat to follow…so step forward Brimsdown Rovers.  Whilst they may sound like a team more likely to be playing Melchester Rovers under the leadership of Roy Race, they have actually been around for over 60 years and currently play in Spartan South Midlands League.

Now I am confused.  I have looked into their formation, and their website says:-

“The Club was formed just after World War II in 1947 by a number of Geordies following a merger with a club called Durham Rovers.

The Club’s colours have always been the famous black and white stripes of Newcastle United, whilst in the early days their change of strip saw the red and white stripes of Sunderland in use, to keep everyone happy! As with Newcastle United, its mascot has also always been a magpie.

Playing on the local playing fields, the Club entered the Enfield Football Alliance and in the first season were joint winners of Divsion One, were runners-up in the Premier Division for the next two seasons as well as winning the League Cup in 1948/49.”

So the above suggests that they were originally played in the North East, yet now someone moved to Enfield?

Well what is clear is that they play, as the crow flies, just 10 miles from Wembley Stadium in a smart little 3,000 capacity stadium.  Whilst they have held their own at this level for many a season, there is always a dream that this year will be the year in the cup.  Their best every performance was in 1992 when they reached the Third Qualifying Round, losing in a replay to Chesham Town.

Dan had been keen on the idea of a Friday night game, with his girlfriend doing damage to his credit card in New York he was footloose and fancy free, although he rarely needs an excuse for a game.  Lolly was also allowed to come, having helped out with the concrete smashing on the old drive during the day (some children want sweets or toys as a treat, Lolly wants to go to football – what a difficult child!).  a short hop, skip and a jump around the North Circular to EN3 saw us at the once home of David Beckham (he played here when he was in his early teens) as cup fever swept North London.  OK – the 70-odd other fans seemed pretty excited, even if most were related to the players in some way.  The game had been moved to the Friday night to on Police advice as both Enfield Town and Enfield 1893 were due to play on the Saturday (OK – not strictly true but Enfield Town actually share Brimsdown’s ground!) which suited us fine.  What didn’t suit us fine was the localised thunderstorm that only seemed to be affecting EN3.  Thanks to my brand new SatNav, which for some reason likes to occasionally try and direct you across a railway line using a foot bridge, or to turn right across a dual carriageway with a central reservation we got there eventually, but the weather was a tad of a concern.

The ground had a clubshop attached so we sought cover from the rain in the bar.  We were allowed in the members bit of the bar, whilst the normal general public had to make do with Racey’s cafe bar next door, which was packed with families enjoying a night out, Enfield style.  We left it until 5 minutes before kick off to make a run for it, paying out £5 to have a slice of FA Cup history (free for Lolly as the bloke gave us a tale about lifting children over turnstiles at White Hart Lane after the War).  Dan was gutted to find that all of the programmes had sold out – could this mean a record crowd?

Brimsdown Rovers 2 Fleckwell Heath 4 – Goldsdown Road – Friday 28th August 2009

The teams emerge to a fanfare

The teams emerge to a fanfare

The teams were just emerging from the “tunnel” in the corner of the pitch, with the home team accompanied by 11 mascots a la Champions League style.  A line up in front of the main stand and then we were off.  We started to walk around the pitch to the other side, to take up residence behind the dugouts for amusement purposes.  Behind the one “open” end stood a lonely character, with wild unkept hair…could this be?  Yes it was the non-league groundhopping legend, Wolfie.  This guy spends every waking minute going from ground to ground in the UK at all levels but can only count his visit if he touches the ball.  Having the whole end to himself surely meant he would be able to tick this one off quickly?  Well in the 2nd minute the ball bounced over the advertising hording and he set off.  Only Dan was nearer, and Dan knew nothing of the legend so returned the ball to the keeper, much to the Wolf’s annoyance! (he only had to wait a few more minutes before he got his touch, the notebook came out and he was a happy, yet still deranged man)

The pitch was in a right old state.  The ground was so dry and the white lines had been washed away by the storm, meaning it was almost impossible to see where the penalty area started, or when a ball went out to touch.  Being so close to the action we could see how the tactics were being relayed by the respective benches.  ”Brimmo, level pegging”, “Eyes wide open” and “use the empty space” were some of the confusing few instructions in the first few minutes.

The game was a classic.  Six goals, some pretty fierce tackling, some appalling refereeing, some excellent sledging of the linesman and the obligatory substitutes needing to have a piss against the side of the pitch lead to a great evening’s entertainment.  Fleckwell were the better team, and it was surprising that they were twice pegged back after taking the head, especially the 2nd Brimsdown equalizer that was a clearance that cannoned off a home player on the edge of the box then took a wicked spin on its first bounce that completely foxed the keeper.  But two late goals by Flackwell Heath saw them score four for the second round in the row and process into the hat for the 1st round of qualifying.  The referee seemed to be issuing cards for fun and nobody, including the official match reporter could work out who had actually been cautioned.  His linesman got a ticking off for not bothering to wait for a player to leave the field before sending on a substitute, but not as nearly enough when he allowed Brimsdown’s first goal to stand where at least two players were clearly offside, and a handball occurred in front of his nose.

But football the world over doesn’t change.  We had a few chav’s in the stand behind the goal, we had would-be footballer’s wives with a glow of orange from their fake tan only normally seen in a Tango add, and the customary slag-tag tattoos. We had passion, we had substitute numbers carried around in a Tesco’s bag f9r life and for some reason we had orange balls! Yes the “snow balls” were for some reason used, and Lolly liked the look of them.  Acting as ball boy behind the shed we were standing in on one occasion she came back empty handed, only to tell us that she had “hidden” the ball for later.  I pointed out that that would be theft and sent her away with a flee in her ear – cheek of the young generation these days (good idea though!).

So 762 teams enter the cup ever year, but will there be a better game than this?  Almost certainly, but for £5 on a Friday night you will be hard pressed to find one that is as value for money.  Dan and Brian had been at the laugh a minute West Ham versus Millwall game on Tuesday night, where a 3-1 win for the Hammers had apparently got in the way of a perfectly good fight (“I paid £40 for my ticket and my evening was ruined watching 22 blokes play a football match in the middle of the fight” one fan was reported saying) and it was good for them to get back to some normality.  Lolly got to experience real grassroots football and was able to add some new words into her list of  ”Don’t say to Mummy that word”, and I was able to think that I could manage a football team at this level – after all some of my inspirational and motivational team meetings would confuse and baffle the best of footballers – thus making me qualified?  Bromley, onwards!!!

About Goldsdown Road
As you would imagine at this level the ground is basic.  The playing area is massive, with a couple of metres between the touchline and the fences.  There are three small stands, one with seats that runs almost from penalty area to penalty area with four rows, and two small covered terraces behind one goal and then behind the dugouts.  The club has a bar and a cafe by the one set of turnstiles.  There is certainly room to expand should the need arise.

How to get to Goldsdown Road
The ground is at the end of a residential street (Goldsdown Road) in the heart of EN3, north London.  From the north circular (A406) head north along the Meridian Way at Angel Road.  When you eventually get to the big roundabout with Lee Valley Road go straight over.  Follow this road until you get to a roundabout with a McDonalds on your left hand side.  Turn left and over the level crossing (Brimsdown railway station and then take the 2nd right into Goldsdown Road.

From the M25 leave at junction 25 and head south on the A10.  When you get to the junction with the A110 turn left and follow this until you reach the roundabout with the A1055 Mollison Avenue, then turn left and follow directions above.

Brimsdown railway station is a 5 minute walk from the ground and is served on a regular basis by trains from Liverpool Street, with a journey time of 20 minutes.

How to get a ticket for Goldsdown Road
It’s all pay on the door as you would image and just £5 for Adults and £1 if they do decide to charge you for children.


The return of the JBO 4

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The Jolly Boys were back. After the return of Take That, Duran Duran and more recently the Reynolds Girls, it was time for one of the most formidable acts of the late 20th century to make a re-appearance. The Jolly Boys were formed after the inspiration of Delboy’s trip he arranged to Margate in the classic Only Fools and Horses episode of the same name.

The rules were simple. Boys only, and what went on on tour certainly didn’t stay on tour!

These trips were arranged on a regular basis, primarily before we got married and had children. The only theme was that they had to be based around football or cricket. Numbers varied, from three of us to Glasgow to watch Rangers v Kilmarnock, to a very impressive party of sixteen to Dublin in 1999 for the Cricket World Cup game between West Indies and Bangladesh. Some of these trips have faded into the dim distance but below are nine classic moments that I took into our reunion at the Weatherspoons at Victoria Station at 8am on the first day of the last Ashes test at the Oval. So in no particular order here we go:-

Mission One – Go to Liverpool at watch Liverpool play West Ham
Once uopn a time Easyjet actually flew from Luton to Liverpool, a journey of less than 200 miles that took just over 30 minutes.  Whilst not the shortest commercial flight in the UK (that honour being a BA flight of 7 minutes between two islands in the Outer Hebrides) it was the shortest by a budget airline.  Liverpool were due to host West Ham earlier in the season but their Champions League campaign got in the way so the game was re-arranged to October.  A total group of 7 of us flew, with Sleepy John coming by train, after he surprisingly overslept.  We stayed at the Britannia Hotel, famed for having its own “fly on the wall” TV series on BBC1 during the late 1990′s, and that was what we found – flies on the wall.  It was a real dump although he didn’t exactly spend much time there, taking a taxi on a cultural highlights tour of Toxteth before ending up playing pool all afternoon in a bar in Lytham St Annes.  As for the game, well predictable under Crapnapp we fielded 11 different nationals who could not understand each other and slipped to a 1-0 defeat thanks to a goal by Titi Camara.  So impressed was Crapnapp by the player, and not at all anything to do with his agent being Willie McKay, that he signed him soon after for £2m.  So impressed even further was Crapnapp that he played the striker just 5 times (scoring an impressive total of 0 goals) before offloading him THREE YEARS LATER to Al Ittihad.  High point of the trip had to be the walk back from Anfield through lets say to be kind, a war zone complete with burning cars.

Mission Two – Manchester – Attend the Cricket World Cup Super Six game between India and Pakistan
The four of us (Nige, Matt and Sleepy John) took the early morning flight from Gatwick for this one.  Matt had been to Old Trafford a few days before and had said gettings any beer was a nightmare as the queues were huge, so on landing we had our taxi driver divert to a friendly local off licence, similar to the one in Shameless, where he picked up 8 cans of “Panther” for £1.99 (there was some inspiration then for Viz Magazine’s character 8 Ace!).  Arriving at the ground at 10am we were told as this was a high profile game (due to escalating events on the other side of the world in Kashmir) no alcohol could be taken in, so being the classy Southerners that we are we had down the 9% cider on the spot – a nice start to the day.  One of the main cultural features of the two nations is that they abstain from alcohol and so the promised queues for beer did not exist.  We did however integrate ourselves in with the crowd around us, sharing numerous home made delights being passed our way during the day.  Play was held up when a Pakistani Iman kept appearing in the stands and the crowd flocked to him, not very handy when it happened behind the bowlers arm.

Misson Three – Chester Le Street – Go to England’s newest cricket ground to watch England play West Indies
An oversubscribed trip this one, flying into Newcastle then getting taxis down to Chester Le Street for the NatWest One Day International.  Now bear in mind this is mid July – i.e the height of summer.  The ground had never hosted an England game before and this was seen as a trial to see how they could cope with a full blown test.  Stunning location with the castle overlooking the ground but within minutes of arriving we were all freezing.  Our cricket outfits of shorts and t-shirts may have blended in with the locals, but they are made of hardier stuff then us and we were freezing.  For some bizarre reason the bars did not open until midday, and again with a no alcohol to be taken in we had to watch the game.  Windies were appalling, struggling to 169 for 8 in their fifty overs with only Lara putting up any sort of fight with 54.  I had admitted defeat against the weather and paid £50 for an oversized hooded top that I could pull down over my bear legs to keep warm.  Half of the boys had headed inside the club house where one of the greatest ever Rugby internationals was unfolding, far more entertaining than the cricket (for the record over 100,000 in Sydney saw the All Blacks come from 30-0 down to win 39-35).

Rain (in the north east – are you mad?) started falling at the end of the Windies innings so we went for plan B which was head into Chester-Le-Street for lunch.  We found a suitable pub and waited for the call from the landlord, whose brother worked at the Riverside as to when the game was going to restart.  Eight big old lunches, thirty five pints all for less than £100.  We stocked up on alcohol for the return trip, using the new daytime attire to full effect with me essentially becoming a Robocop with beer cans up each arm to make me look like Popeye.  Romford Mark decided on a more sutble tactic, using his charm to convince a couple of girls to stick the bags from wine boxes up their jumpers as if they were pregnant.  England polished off the 170 in just 35 overs for the loss of no wickets and by 5pm we were back in Newcastle ready for a night out in the Bigg Market.  The least said about that the better I think.

Mission Four – Aberdeen – Go and watch the most northerly top flight team in the UK
We welcomed a couple of new members for this short trip, with Matt unable to attend due to work commitments.  The day did not start the best as an accident on the M1 meant for the first time ever I (and the rest of us) missed a flight.  We actually arrived with 30 minutes to go, along with dozens of others also caught in the traffic at 5am, only had hand luggage and could have easily made it, but they were unrepentant.  One of the check in managers appeared and asked us if we would mind coming back in 20 minutes and repeating the scene so it could be filmed for their “Airline” show on ITV – thanks for that but no.  So we were moved to an Edinburgh flight and took the train up the coast, passing some of Scotland’s best scenery on a little 2 coach train.  Being Scotland and liking a beer or two even this little train had a buffet cart, and the steward soon realised the easiest job would be just to leave it by our seats and we would settle up on the McKewns when we got to the Granite city.  We had come to watch Aberdeen versus Hibernians and it was a great 2-2 draw, made even better for an irate fan invading the pitch to remonstrate with the Hibs manager about a substitution.  The angry gentlemen was allowed at least 45 seconds of his rant, whilst the police looked on in amusement before he was removed!

On the way back we did stumble upon a fish and chip shop that had its own confectionary section where you chose your chocolate bar and they deep fried it.  Maltesers have never tasted so good!

Mission Five – Inverness – Search for the Loch Ness Monster
It didnt help that I had got barely an hour’s sleep the night before after a sales conference in Dublin but I cannot remember much about this one.  A trip to watch Inverness Caledonian Thistle versus Stirling Albion and a drive down Loch Ness.  Sleepy John, so known because he loves a snooze decided to kip down in the Disabled toilet of the Golden Frog in Inverness High Street to avoid the couple from hell who were trying to get him to join them back at their house. It appeared through his indepth conversations that Mr Thistle lost the ability to perform some years ago and wanted to watch someone else service Mrs Thistle. We left him there, and failing to see him at breakfast the following morning we returned to the pub where the cleaner at the pub had to unlock the door and retrieve Sleepy John who was still sparko.

Mission Six – Taunton – Travel west for the NatWest Trophy game between Somerset and Kent.
Somerset versus Kent in the NatWest trophy as it was. Matt had managed to procure some freebies so we got the train down on a lovely early summers day. The journey down was heavy and we had drunk the best part of five beers each, plus a couple of G & T’s before a ball had been bowled. As the day wore on sleep took hold of Matt but before he dropped off he got out the sun lotion. Once he was fast asleep we put sunblock on his knees and shins, and replaced the rest of the contents with mayonnaise. A few hours later he woke up with a strange smell under his nose, and white stripes down his legs. He had no idea (to this day) and on the train back a small child burst into tears when he sat opposite it, scared by his appearance.

Mission Seven – Dublin – Head to the Irish capital for the Cricket World Cup
West Indies versus Bangladesh in the cricket World Cup – in Dublin!  Hardly the most conventional of venues but picturesque none the least.  Sixteen signed up for this one, in a weekend that can never be repeated. The trip combined with the FA Cup final between Arsenal and Newcastle United, so we planned ahead and arranged a private showing in the hotel. We booked the Burlington Hotel just outside the city centre, but famous for Annabel’s night club which at the time was one of only a few late night drinking holes in the city. We were joined by the Liverpool team at the hotel, including a certain Paul Ince who was cornered on the first night by a dozen of the ground who wanted to understand his reasons for leaving West Ham. The cricket was a sideshow to the main event, although I managed to win the advertising hoardings game and the pot of over £200 (each of you picks a company who are advertising and everytime the ball strikes your board you get a point – most points at end of game win!).

Come kick off time we had to ask the hotel to remove a number of the Liverpool team, Les Ferdinand, Courtney Walsh and Roy Walker from our reserved seating and food so that we could enjoy the show. The evening will also go down in history for a certain member of our crew claiming he pulled a mother and daughter combination, the latter of which must have been at least 60! The following morning we also gave a lift in our taxi to two young ladies who claimed to have gone through half a dozen of the Liverpool squad in the previous night – classy girls!

Mission Eight – Twickenham – Go and see England progress in the Rugby World Cup against Tonga
One closer to home this time for the Rugby World Cup match. Ever wondered why people wear those silly Guinness hats? You know the ones that are really tall and are made to look like a pint of the black stuff? Well  Matt took stick all afternoon about his headware until we were in the ground and in our seats, when he whipped it off to reveal 8 cans of Fosters and two hip flasks full of home made Peach snapps which were soon passed around the crowd to keep the chill away. We also had a whip round for a willing young girl in front of us to streak. We were prepared to go to £100, but at £30 she was off down the steps and onto the pitch, making the 22 metre line before she was taken down. Tricky Mickey T, always the ladies man offered to take her clothes down to the concourse, minus her knickers of course which he snaffled for himself.

Later in the evening we adjurned to a curry house, sitting with Andy Gomersall who challenged Matt to a drinking competition, featuring Chilli sauce, tabasco and Phal paste. Only ever going to be one winner there and he doesnt have over a dozen England caps!

Mission Nine – Headingley – Go north for the fourth Ashes test
England versus Australia in the fourth test in Leeds. We cashed in our airmiles and flew up from Gatwick to Leeds for this overnight trip. We were met at the airport by possibly the fattest cab driver ever. A man so fat that his wife had to push him in the car in the morning, and pull him out in the evening. He was armed with two one litre empty bottles for toilet breaks during the day. And what made it all the more surreal was that he used to play rugby league for Leeds! The day’s play was punctuated by a number of breaks for rain where we took refuse in Patel’s Mini Market across the road from the Kirkstall Lane End. For every four cans of Tetley’s we bought we not only got a free hat, but Mr Patel’s wife and daughters served us a delightful selection of free Indian goodies.

When play was abandoned at 4.30pm we have raked up over 20 hats between us, which we then sold to other England fans to keep the rain off their heads for a bargain of £5 each.  Who said capitalism was all bad!

So mission ten was the Oval, on an overcast day in mid August for this deciding Ashes test.

England 303 – 8 – The Oval – 20th August 2009

Sleepy John is awake but oh dear Matthew

Sleepy John is awake but oh dear Matthew

This game held a massive dilemma for me.  CMF had managed to surprise me some months ago by securing tickets for U2….in Sheffield!  However, on the same day my brother also surprised me with a ticket at the Oval for the first day of the final test.  Best rock band in the world v a game that would be pointless or so I thought back in March…But time can mean so much as those two brothers sang in a righteous way and a few weeks before the game with England putting up a fight for the Ashes and child care proving an issue my decision was firmly in the cricket camp.  The tickets went up on Seatwave but nobody was interested…not one person interested in the biggest rock band in the world.

To make matters more complicated the whole job thing had taken off in Copenhagen and I would have to fly back just for the game…So the Beautiful Day started at 8am with breakfast at a couple of beers at Weatherspoons in Victoria.  The four original JB’s were there, swapping stories of our children’s sports days and exam options rather than share options as we did ten years ago.  Two hours later we were at the real home of English cricket and praying for Strauss to win the toss, which he duly did and chose to bat first.

Crowds at cricket are so different to those found at football.  The banter is so much better with those around you and that is primarily down to alcohol.  And there was plenty of that as the runs started to flow on a pitch that was predicted to become hard to bat on later in the test.  Cook departed early, but Strauss kept things ticking along with Bell and we reached lunch without another wicket or any snoozing from Matt or John which was a record in itself, although within 30 minutes of the restart they were both long gone to the world of nod.  These guys can really sleep.  Everywhere we have ever been, including weddings (including their own!), christening and birthdays they have slept at some point during the day.

Matt had put a foolish bet on with a mate about who would score most runs in their respective 1st innings – Trott, the South African selected for his first game, or Ravi Bopara dropped to make way for him.  Trott batted sensibly for his 41 before he was suberbly run out….Bopara was eventually out 24 hours later for just 203!  Still at least he had woken up to verbally abuse the few Australians in the crowd.  Flintoff, long since losing his ability as a “big match player”, departed for 7 in his second but last ever test innings and once Swann departed the day was over at 308 for 8, thumbs up to England for the opening day.

The day didn’t end for us there.  We headed for a few more, reminiscing about the “good ol’ days” and at some point I thought it would be a good idea to get a cab home.  Oh how CMF laughed when I staggered through the door and proceeded to fall asleep sitting up in front of the Mummy Returns with a cup of tea perched on my chest.  And how I laughed even more when at 5am the following morning I had to get up to go back to Denmark.  A Beautiful Day?  Absolutley…here’s to another 10 year anniversay!

Parklife

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So this was where the stakes in the TBIR/EFW trophy were raised up a notch.  The chance to see our players in action at one of the most picturesque grounds in the lower leagues.  The original plans to meet up were scuppered by traffic around the whole of the M25 and it was nearly 2pm before Lolly and I arrived at the smart looking Clarence Park.  St Albans City play in a ground that sits within a lovely park just to the north of the railway station. The club, in an all too familiar story in the non-leagues were fighting for survival and so it was only fair that we helped them out with a few pints in the clubhouse prior to the game.  The usual Lewes travelling army of Danny, Deaks and Cynical Dave were already there, watching events unfold at the Oval.

St Albans had been back at this level for a couple of seasons after playing at the Conference National for a season back in 2006/07 only to be relegated the following season.  Since then it has been mid table mediocrity in the Blue Square South and so with Lewes’s form of 3 draws and a defeat coming into this game meant it was going to be a battle of wits.

Lolly and I were disappointed to learn that Ryan hadn’t been included – no injuries to report so the decision was tactical.  Based on the fact they were still looking for their elusive first win you would have thought a pacy, tricky and elusive (his words not mine) winger would be a good option – so why not pick him Mr Ibbitson!

St Albans City 1 Lewes 1 – Clarence Park, St Albans – Saturday 22nd August 2009

A worms eye view

A worms eye view

The first half was hardly a classic.  Player-coach Danny Cullip livened up proceedings by being set to the stands (and remember in non-league football that means sitting yards away from the bench) for swearing at the linesman and apart from a Dan Beck lobbed effort stalemate sums up the efforts from both teams.  We had been joined by Cornish Al, one of my goalkeepers from the EnglandFans team who lived locally.  He gave us a run down at half time on the club and what was going on.  He also told us some of the story of Clarence Park, including the fact that the smart blue and yellow crash barriers around the ground had come from Wimbledon’s old ground at Plough Lane, and the floodlights from Reading’s old Plough Lane – never a lender or a borrower be eh!

So with the sunshine making it a perfect afternoon for watching the game we came back out for the second half.  We had all paid our £1 for a golden goal ticket, and I was the only one left with a chance of winning.  Poor Lolly had drawn the 1st minute and wasn’t happy that I could still win (at least she didn’t have a tantrum which is what Littlest Fuller would have done at losing!).  My winning time was 73 minutes and it was hard to see how anyone would win.  But them came a moment of magic from Lewes, and dare I say it, Sam Crabb.  Lewes broke down the right, Dave Wheeler crossed and there was Crabb running in to smash the ball home.  He had already seen Danny watching and so he ran over to give his benefactor a big hug…The time on the clock was 3 minutes shy but it was worth it if Lewes got a win.

93 minutes were on the clock when St Albans had a corner.  From somewhere the referee had found 4 minutes of injury time and that was to prove decisive as from the cross Peters headed home to send the St Albans fans into raptures.  The Lewes players were understandably stunned, but within a minute a hopeful punt up field allowed the Lewes centre forward a one on one with the keeper but he pulled it wide and with it any chance of 3 points.

So a win had turned into a draw and the EFW crew trudged back to the bar to drown their sorrows, although Dave winning the club lottery and a crisp £20 did at least bring some cheer to the end of the day.  I explained to Lolly as we walked back to the car that football isn’t as always as good as this in terms of the setting and the weather, but is often as cruel.  With Ryan’s shirt under her arm, some new tips for Super Mario Bros from Mr Last, and a few new swear words from Cyncial Dave she had had a very productive afternoon!

About Clarence Park
Picturesque is the best word I can use to descibe the ground and I cannot do it the justice it deserves.  The St Albans website has an excellent and comprehensive history that can be viewed here.

How to get to Clarence Park
If you are driving the exit M25 at juntion 22 (A1081). Follow signs to St. Albans from slip road. At London Colney rbt (traffic light controlled) exit onto A1081. Follow road for approx 1 mile until mini rbt (Great Northern pub on left). Turn right into Alma Road. At traffic lights turn right into Victoria Street and continue to junction with Crown pub. Go straight across into Clarence Road, ground is first on left about 50 yards past junction or take the next turning on the left into York Road, ground entrance is at the end of the road on the left.  If you are coming from the A1 then exit at Hatfield Galleria and follow the A404 towards St Albans and then turn right at the roundabout with the A1081, then as above.  There are a very small number of parking spaces in the park (pay and display) otherwise it is free street parking around the park.

St Albans City station is on the Thameslink service from Kings Cross Thameslink (20 mins). Turn left out of St. Albans City station into Station Way and cross Hatfield Road into Clarence Park. Follow the path round to the right of the ground until you reach the main entrance.

How to get a ticket for Clarence Park
As with most grounds in the non-leagues there is plenty of room for everyone to watch a game at Clarence Park.  The capacity is 6,000 so there is no need to buy any tickets in advance.  The turnstiles are in the south east and north west corners of the ground and admission is £10 for Adults and £3 for Under 14′s.  There is a £2 upgrade to the stand which is advisable if the weather is poor.  If you want to use the clubhouse before, during or after the game you have to actually leave the ground and climb the stairs behind the main stand and then show your ticket to get back in.

Welcome to the 7th most expensive city on earth

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In February 2009 the consultancy firm Mercer produced their annual list of the 50 most expensive cities in the world to live in.  The report, available here, showed that Tokyo had become the most expensive city in the world to live in, knocking down Moscow from their top spot in 2008.  Despite the rip off of London Transport, London had slipped down to 16th.  Sitting 7th for the second year in a row was the capital of cool, Copenhagen.  Home to Carlsberg, bacon and lovely little bundles of blonde fun it had also become my official second home as a decent promotion at work (Business Manager, Nordic Regions if you would believe) meant that I would be spending alot more time in Denmark.  Part of my package was a very nice waterfront flat, which I gratefully accepted.  All I had to do was furnish it, clean it and buy all those essentials a man needs to make it through the working week.

CMF came over to give the place a once over last week, and drew up a list of essentials for the flat.  So, ladies and gentlemen, find below ten examples why Copenhagen is in the top ten again.  At the time of going to press there was 8.6 Danish Kroner to the £.

1. A bottle of Head and Shoulders shampoo – Boots @ Bluewater £2.29.  Facta supermarket in Copenhagen 62 Danish Kroner (£7.16).

2. Marmite.  An absolute essential in the Fuller household – Sainsburys @ Chislehurst £1.79.  Copenhagen 52 DKR (£6)* I did try to smuggle some in – see Marmitegate below.

3. Lloyd Grossman Tomato & Chili sauce – Tesco @ Borough £1.98.  Copenhagen 55 DKR (£6.34).

4. Findus Crispy Pancakes – Iceland @ Scumville £1.09.  Copenhagen 67DKR (£7.74).

5. Andrex soft arse toilet roll – Co-Op @ New Eltham £1.99.  Copenhagen 48DKR (£5.54).

6. A pair (why are they always called a pair when there is only 1?) of scissors – Ikea @ Lakeside – £0.79.  Ikea @ Copenhagen 37DKR (£4.28)

7. Duracell AA batteries 4 pack (for my remote controls) – Dixons @ Stansted Airport – £2.29.  Copenhagen 50DKR (£5.78).

8. FHM Magazine – WH Smiths @ Stansted Airport – £3.95.  Copenhagen Airport 85 DKR (£9.82).

9. Disposable Razors – Superdrug @ London Bridge – £3.99 for 6.  Copenhagen 80DKR (£9.24).

10. 6 Cans of Carlsberg Special – Borough Market – £6.99.  Copenhagen Beer Markt 49DKR (£5.78)

*Marmitegate – I cannot live without Marmite and it is true that you either love it or hate it.  In the Fuller family we are all in the former’s camp and so we often have a spare couple of jars and so I took one with me on this trip.  As I went through security at the airport I was told it was bigger than the 100ml allowable bottles.  All the jar said was 250g, no capacity limit.  So I questioned the decision and was told “they” have sizing charts to show common bottles, and 250g of Marmite is over the allowable limit.  I asked to see said chart, but was denied.  So I had to hand over my precious, brand new jar but not before opening it in front of the security guard, and taking a fingerful just so that he couldn’t snaffle it away for his breakfast later.  I have since written to Unilever to get clarification on the Marmite sizing issue and will hopefully be able to prove my case on a future trip.

I had been given an allowance of £25 a week for my groceries.  So fed up after week one in being ripped off I decided on week two to go for the grown up approach – a ticket for FC Copenhagen v APOEL in the Champions League and a six pack of Carlsberg Special beer – total price £24.87..perfect.  Man cannot live on Marmite, Crispy Pancakes and FHM alone.  And as I managed to convince my Mum to make me some food parcels every week (I am only 39 after all!), and with CMF doing all of my ironing, and even an offer of the cleaning duties by the wonderful Tina in the office I was sorted.  So what else was I supposed to spend my money on apart from beer and football ?(I should add at this stage that the flat came with super XL cable TV with free unrestricted access to all, and I mean ALL, channels).

Due to the changes put in place by Monsieur Platini, the Champion League this year seemed to have been going on for ever.  The final hurdle before the Group Stages is the Playoff round…This is where the worst placed teams in each of the domestic league qualifiers come in in a special group of their own.  FCK had been in the competition since mid July, beating Mogran the Montenegrin champions, then beating my new favourites StabaekIF from Norway.  So they were now 180 minutes away from the Group Stages, and assuming Arsenal overcame Celtic then would have a one in two chance of drawing an English club and thus a massive pay day from the home game.  In November 2006 they beat Manchester United 1-0 in the Champions League in front of a sell out crowd with an average ticket price over 350DKR (£40).  For the game against APOEL, winners against Partizan Belgrade in the previous round, tickets were half the price.

So, a short walk and a 10 minute train trip saw me outside the Parken, the national stadium, now fully renovated after a multi-million Kroner redevelopment over the past two years.  The old stadium, the Osterbro had also had a facelift of its own and I sneaked in prior to the game for a quick look.  This was the original Parken, home to B1903 who were one of the clubs merged to form FCK as well as BK Skjold who play in the Danish 2nd division.

The crowd was sparse to say the least so I had no problems getting a seat on the touchline so I could observe the antics of the few hundred travelling fans, which being Greek, would mean a passionate, if unreasoned display, and I was not wrong.  APOEL are the most successful team in Cypriot football having won the championship on twenty occasions, and have reached this stage of the Champions League back in 2002.  They were hoping to emulate the fantastic achievements of Anorthosis last season in reaching the Group Stages.  They can also claim to have had such players as Chris Bart-Williams, Dean Gordon and Terry McDermott at the club at various stages in the past twenty years.

FC Copenhagen 1 APOEL FC 0 – Parken – Tuesday 18th August 2009

They really dont like the linesman

They really dont like the linesman

So with no more than 15,000 in the stadium the atmosphere was muted.  As the teams walked out to the Champions League anthem you would be confused to think this was FCK v Brondby based on the kits…Ah the Kits…FCK love a kit or four.  I went to the club shop before the game to see what wears they had.  For once it was hard to find any tack (apart from a blow up sun lounger in the shape of a FCK shirt) but what I did find was shirts galore.  FCK have obviously been to the English football club school of ripping fans off as they had not one, two, three or four but FIVE kits.  Brace yourself for this:-

Kit one – All white with blue trim used as their Superliga home kit
Kit two – An all black number which is their Superliga away/change kit
Kit three – A change shirt just in case Newcastle or Notts County are moved to the Danish leagues of pink (not salmon pink or fuscia more like highlighter pen pink) and black shorts.  I did ask one of the guys from the office who goes regularly how many times he has seen them wear that kit and he couldn’t ever remember one occasion.
Kit four – An all white with blue AND red trim used for their European home games.  It is exactly the same as the home kit but one half has red piping on sleeves and edge of shorts.
Kit five – An all navy kit used as their European away/change kit

As they are sponsored by Carlsberg they also have to produce a non sponsored top for children or when they play in alcohol paranoid countries such as France.  Add to these the three goalkeepers shirts and you can understand how confusing it is for the fans as to which shirt to buy and still look cool (remember this is Copenhagen, the capital of cool where everything has to be just right).

The away fans tried to raise their teams efforts, but for the first half an hour they simply got the run around from a much more inventive FCK team who still had the tricky Jesper Gronkjaer on the left wing.  Some of the FCK passing across the field was excellent, but they simply could not find the final ball.  The Canadian Atiba Hutchinson did much of the running for the Danes, but APOEL, but on a nucleus of aging non-Greek players held firm.  In the first half alone there was just 2 shots on goal, both coming from the home team.

The second half improved slowly but seemed to come to life after APOEL’s Haxhi was cautioned for a silly foul on Hutchinson.  In the fifty third minute the deadlock was broken as FCK’s attacking full back Pospech appeared unmarked at the far post to head home.  The goal did spur APOEL into action and they came the closest to a goal all evening when Alexandrou went close.  The away fans had been getting more and more upset with the linesman in our corner as they deemed some of his flagging a little excessive.  Tempers reached boiling point when an arguement broke out over who should keep the ball that had ended up in the crowd and stewards had to intervene between two bear chested posturing Cypriots, full of testosterone and frustration.  It was all in vain though as FCK came the closest to a second when a shot from the impressive Almeida hit the post and then in the dying seconds Haxhi committed another stupid foul and realised he was to get a second yellow.  So he could just take it like a man, walking off without a second glance but he decided to take the Stephen Taylor (Newcastle United Centre Back v Aston Villa two years ago) approach and roll around on the floor as if he had been the injured party hoping the referee who have a change of heart.  No such luck and he was off, much to the away fans anger.

So 1-0 was not the best result for the home team.  The temperatures both on and off the pitch next week in Cyprus will be boiling, and with a high probability of a decent draw in the Group Stages it will certainly be one not to miss.