November 25, 2009

The life of a Football Manager – Part 1


So every season around 45% of the 92 clubs replace their managers.  Most find another role within months, with clubs ignoring the fact that the reason why they are available is that they failed in a previous role.  Some managers are heralded as the next best thing, only to be on the scrap heap within months.  Aidy Boothroyd, appointed at Watford to a great fanfare took Watford into the promised land of the Premier League against all expectations.  He was held up as a potential England Manager for the future and despite their swift relegation from the top table, Boothroyd was awarded a new 3 year deal by Watford in 2007.  Just over a year later he was fired as Watford in November 2008 with the club in mid-table – a position they were in when he took over.

Question – Who was the last English Manager to be voted “Manager of the Year”?

We have already seen on this very blog the craziness around the sacking of Luton’s Mick Harford who was dismissed three days after masterminding an amazing comeback away to Cambridge to win 4-3.  At the time Luton sat in 6th place in the Blue Square Premier, just one point below the play offs.  Since Harford’s dismissal the club have won a few, drawn a few and lost a few and despite the appointment of Richard Money as manager, the team still sit in 6th place, one point below the play off place.

So what actually goes on in the boardroom when it comes to chosing a manager, and then deciding to call time on his tenure?  We often here that there have been x applications for a vacant managers job, but how do out of work (or even in work) managers go about getting a new job?  Is there the equivalant of the Times Appointment section or Monster.com?  Are there recruitment agents for clubs who “head hunt” for a new boss?

Question – According to the LMA quota system, who is the “top” manager in England for this season?

Amazingly as I write this only seven managers out of the 92 clubs have been in their current positions for more than five seasons.  Four of these, Moyes, Wenger, Ferguson and Benitez are Premier League managers.  The other three are actually quite a surprise.  Steve Tilson at Southend United has been through a promotion and a relegation with the Shrimpers but essentially has kept the club where they have always been.  Accrington Stanley have well documented problems of their own off the pitch but John Coleman has overseen their rise up the non-league pyramid and then back into the Football League in his ten year tenure, a similar story to Dagenham & Redbridge’s John Still who took charge at Victoria Road in 2004.  In contrast, 47 managers out of the 88 clubs (four still haven’t appointed one at the time of writing) have been in their roles for less than a year.

The current average tenure of a Premier League manager is actually nearly 4 years (3.88) which reflects the fact that the movement between it and the Championship is relatively static – teams that come up often go down and so expectations from a manager are not too excessive.  As we move down the leagues this figure changes dramatically – 1.6 years in the Championship and just 1.2 years in League One demonstrating the huge pressure there is on the clubs to move upwards.

Question – What was the average tenure of a manager in the Premier League 10 years ago?

Twenty years ago the idea of a “foreign” manager was restricted to the Scots such as Dalglish or Ferguson coming down from north of the border.  In fact Aston Villa were credited with the first “overseas” appointment when they turned to Dr Jozef Venglos in July 1990.  His appointment lasted just over a season in which he lost more games than he won.  But he was a pioneer and the first trend in English football management had begun.  Now, young managers such as Eddie Howe at Bournemouth or Lee Clark at Huddersfield Town who are both doing excellent jobs will struggle to land a big appointment as clubs cannot afford to take a risk on an unproven man at the top level.  We have moved into a different era – 10 years ago when a club was in trouble the call went out for an Atkinson or a Jim Smith to come and rescue them.  But their place in the modern game is over.  Now clubs will look overseas for their appointments, bringing in an unheard of to steady the ship – such as Avram Grant at Chelsea who was brought in to replace Mourinho or Martin Jol at Spurs.

So what we are going to look at in the next three installments of this post are the trends in football management – we will talk to a couple of managers about how the game has changed for them, how easy is it to get and keep a job and finally what the future holds for todays players who want to move into management.

So the answers to the questions above for those who didn’t use Google – Lennie Lawrence in 1992 at Middlesborough, Gus Poyet at Brighton & Hove Albion, 6.75 years

November 21, 2009

Help for the Heroes…


Life is all about choices.  Every second of every day we have to make choices, and through those choices we have to be accountable for our actions.  Anyone who knows me will know how I bang on about accountability on a daily basis.  So this week I had a big choice to make.  I had to choose between an all-Kent derby in the FA Trophy at the Crabble between Dover Athletic and Dartford, or a trip to the New Den to watch a League One game between Millwall and Wycombe Wanderers.  Again, anyone who knows me will know that I would choose the former any day of the week.  Or would I?  You see there is something I have not told you dear reader(s) in the past.  And that is, for the past fifteen years I have been a shareholder of…..Millwall plc.  Yep, I have been an investor in one of West Ham’s greatest enemies.

Why you may ask?  And when I look at the 0.02p per share price I ask that question all the time.  I do have over 100,000 shares, so assuming the share price increased by 1,000 times I may make my money back.  But I am in it for the long haul and not a quitter.  I invested as I saw some potential in the club.  The club had played in the top division (then League One) for a couple of seasons and for a short period they actually topped the league.  Serious money was invested into the club, a new stadium was built and with players like Alex Rae, Kasey Keller, Terry Hurlock and Mark Kennedy took the club back to the play-offs to go back to the Premier League but they fell in the semi-finals.  The share price was at an all time high and investors were flocking to get on board (well so my broker told me!).

Since then the club and the share price has fallen, and apart from a couple of seasons in the Championship a few years ago where Millwall spanked West Ham 4-1 in one forgettable Sunday league game they have been in the third tier of English football.

All washed up?So fast forward a few years and Millwall announce a whopping £5.2m loss for the year against a turnover of £6.4m.  But the good news is that this is slightly better than 12 months ago where the figures were £5.6m loss against £5.3m turnover.  So lets put that into some perspective.  As a business they have lost £10.8m over two years against revenues of £11.7m.  Part of the reason is that wages are still far too high – in fact wages last season were 97% of the turnover.  Such a situation would not be allowed to happen in leagues in Germany or Spain where wages cannot be more than a certain percentage of turnover.  The club is essentially putting its future in serious risk in trying to chase promotion.  The problem they have for the next twelve months is that League One is potentially the strongest it has ever been, with Norwich City, Southampton and Charlton Athletic coming down from the Championship to join Leeds United, Colchester United, Southend United and MK Dons who have either the experience or money to push for promotion.

Last season they reached the play off final at Wembley, losing to Scunthorpe United at the last knockings.  Many feel that would be the end of an era for the club but this season they are again pushing for a play off spot again.  Unfortunately attendances are down at the New Den by 20% which will have an impact on the long term.  The visitors for this one, Wycombe Wanderers came into the game bottom of the league, with just one win all season and having been thrashed 6-0 in their last away game at Huddersfield Town and dumped out of the FA Cup by Brighton & Hove Albion in midweek.  Hardly the form you need to walk into the Lions den.

So anyway, back to my reasons for choosing Millwall over Dover (or even Ramsgate which was a late option for their FA Trophy game versus Bishops Stortford).  There was two reasons.  Firstly, Lolly had wanted to “experience” Millwall for quite awhile.  She had heard lots about them, since a few of her class mates support them (and I hasten to add had never been to see them) and it would give her even more “cool points” with the boys, which she loved.  CMF was not so keen, thinking of the recent game versus West Ham at Upton Park as the model for their games.  But I persuaded her that it was not the case.  In fact she had actually been to the New Den twice and on neither occasions had we seen any problems (well apart from an armed robbery and a couple having sex on the roof of a car but they happened outside the stadium so technically the club or its fans cannot be blamed, although one of the people having sex did have a home shirt on).

But the second reason was much more of a defining point.  Two of our guys from New York were over for the weekend and wanted to catch a match.  With such limited Premier League action on offer in London their thoughts turned to lower down the table, and bingo, Millwall came up.  Now, Luge is English, a die hard Torquay United and Man Utd fan, if there can be such a thing and someone who appreciates the finer things in live.  He regularly dines at the Tribeca Grill, shops at Saks and lives in the heart of Chelsea.  So Millwall would be right up his street.  Andy on the other hand is a true New York sports fan, following the Giants and the Yankees and getting his fix of “soccer” from The Football Factory and Green Street.  Yep – Andy was coming over the Atlantic as a modern day Elijah Wood, preparing himself for some Seventies style action.  Unfortunately, the good work that the club had put in over the past years in developing a safe environment for fans had been undone by these films.

We met up in London Bridge, a few hundred yards from the office and caught up on gossip from the respective offices (and there was certainly some of that from both sides of the Atlantic – I could tell you but then I would have to kill you).  I also got to meet the “new girl” in the New York office – Kellie.  Now Kellie, despite being American, was a Millwall fan.  She times her annual leave trips back to the UK with Millwall games and sports a Millwall screensaver on her PC – hard to believe but its true.

So we had a couple of beers before heading 5 minutes down the line to South Bermondsey station and into the lions den…

Evening allMillwall 0 Wycombe Wanderers 2 – The New Den – Saturday 21st November 2009 3pm
So apart from a dozen or so police around the entrance, there was nothing out of the ordinary to see for the Americans.  Andy knows his sport, and probably watches more football (of the UK variety) than most English fans and was looking forward to a game of quality, excitement and passion.  Well he came to the wrong place as the game was hardly a classic played in swirling rain.  Millwall did not create a single chance in the first half as Wycombe set out their stall early on and simply did not budge.  For a team yet to record their first win on the road, and in fact being bottom of the league, they controlled the game from the first whistle.  The highpoint of the first half was when my own Jeff Stelling, Danny Last from EFW (for once without a game today) text me that West Ham were 2-0 up at Hull.
I told Lolly and her reaction was a little over the top for the audience around us and I had to tell her in no uncertain terms to shut up.

The crowd around us were a strange bunch.  In theory we were in the family section, but the vast majority were single blokes.  In front of us was an interesting bunch.  Dad, complete with Millwall lion tattoos on both sides of his neck wearing Millwall shirt, hat, dog-tags, jacket and by the smell of it, Millwall aftershave.  He was accompanied by his blonde (with very bad black roots) wife and their 5, yes 5, children, all under the age of 5 who had absolutely no interest in the game.  All of them had matching Millwall shirts and tucked into crisps for the whole half.  So at a cost of £7 per child and £20 per Adult plus £30 for each Child shirt their day out cost at least £225..what a bargain.

The first half had absolutely no flow.  Millwall had to replace Ton Craig early on after he received a kick in the head from Wycombe’s Gareth Ainsworth, and Pitman was stretchered off for Wycombe a few minutes off meaning we had over 4 minutes of injury time before the break, and everyone was glad to hear the referees whistle to bring the misery to an end.  Lolly’s smug grin was wiped of her face when I told her firstly that her hero Carlton Cole had scored an own goal for West Ham, and then that Hull scored two late first half goals to put them 3-2 ahead.  So, add to the fact that our original choice of game, Dover v Dartford was a pulsating 2-2 draw and we had really drawn the short straw.

Millwall had designated this game a “Help for Heroes” game and proceeded the match with a collection.  At half-time a group of active servicemen were paraded around the pitch, some holding their Millwall scarves.  I have to say the reception given to a man by the crowd was outstanding.  Following up at the end of the group was an ex-serviceman who had lost both legs in a recent conflict but received by far the biggest cheer as he went around the pitch.  I was staggered by the reception.  Here was a crowd that’s reputation goes before them but they showed their patriotism that perhaps at other grounds would be outlawed, complete with a chorus of Land of Hope and Glory – brilliant work Millwall and you should be very proud of your stand on this.

So, the second half brought the same inept Millwall performance.  No Harris or Alexander up front, instead Jason Price who was being mocked by the crowd for looking like the ex-X-Factor Jamie Archer.  Let me repeat his name.  Jason Price.  But for some reason he sported the name JJ Price on his back – why?  Have the rules changed to allow nicknames, or is there two J Prices at Millwall?  Egos taking over the world…..

Wycombe were being encouraged by their fans high up in the North Stand, took the lead in the 55th minute when a corner from the right was headed home by Christ Westwood.  Did Millwall respond at all?  No.  The long balls continued to be pumped over the heads of the front two and it was no surprise when the visitors doubled the lead in the 71st minute by Kevin Betsy who shot into the corner of the net after an excellent run.  We were still to see a Millwall shot on goal and now they needed two goals.  But nothing came.  Even five additional minutes did not provide an opportunity for the home team to create an effort on the Wycombe goal and the chorus of boos at the final whistle showed what they thought of the team.

We wandered out, through the railway arches in the pouring rain.  Lolly was a bit happier now that West Ham had secured a draw, and amazingly Lewes had scored a 95th minute equaliser away to Eastleigh to secure a FA Trophy replay but was glad that Millwall had lost and she was there to see it.  Next time I will go with the gut instincts and take the non-league option!

About the New Den
The New Den opened its doors in August 1993 at a cost of around £16million. It was the first stadium built in the UK that fully complied with the Taylor Report. The ground is a dramatic improvement from the dank and foreboding ‘Old’ Den and is quite smart looking. The new Den is made up of four fair sized two tiered stands that are of the same height. The corners of the ground are open, apart from one corner where there is a large video screen. The stadium is used to film the Sky One Channel TV show; Dream Team, which features an imaginary team called Harchester United. Views from all stands are good and unobstructed
.

How to get to the New Den
It is probably best to go by rail, as South Bermondsey Railway Station is only a few minutes walk from the ground. There is a direct walkway specifically built for away fans which takes you directly to the away end and back to the station afterwards. This has made the Police’s job of keeping rival supporters apart so much more manageable. If your team brings a sizeable following, then an ‘away fan’ football special may be laid on from London Bridge. In these instances the police are well drilled in getting away fans into the ground from the special train and safely away afterwards. Although don’t be surprised if you are held in the stadium for sometime after the final whistle, before being allowed back up the walkway to the station.

Although there are two tube stations that are about 15-20 minutes walk away from the ground. Surrey Quays & New Cross Gate, both on the East London Line. The line is now closed until sometime in 2010.

Driving is not really an option as there are few places to park around the stadium. If you do chose to them follow signs from the A2 at New Cross Gate for the ground.

How to get a ticket for the New Den
Tickets for most games can be bought on the day of the game at the Ticket Office (not at the turnstiles themselves) or Online at http://millwallfc.com.  Ticket prices are as follows:-

West & East Stands (Upper Tier): Adults £25, Over 65’s £17, Under 16’s £14, Under 12’s £12
West Stand (Lower Tier): Adults £25, Over 65’s £15, Under 16’s £11, Under 12’s £8
Cold Blow Lane (South) Stand: Adults £20, Over 65’s £13, Under 16’s £11, Under 12’s £8
West Stand (Lower Family Enclosure): Adults £20, Over 65’s £13, Under 16’s £10, Under 12’s £7

Thanks to Duncan Adams for the above information from his excellent Football Grounds Guide.

November 21, 2009

Millwall 0 Wycombe Wanderers 2

November 18, 2009

Who ate all the pies? Well I did actually!


A few months ago a fascinating story caught my eye in my Metro newspaper on my then daily commute to London (now my commute takes less than 4 minutes from luxury bachelor pad on the waterfront in cool Copenhagen to the office – well during the week anyway!). It was a story about a mad chap who had visited all 92 clubs in one season and wolfed down a pie at each one – who would be so crazy to do such a thing? Well all of the TBIR team would have, and having picked up the hotline to HQ in Brighton I can confirm that the EFW team would be on that mini-bus too.

BOLTON PIE 1

Bolton Pie

After months of searching for our elusive pie-muncher I had to fall back on the excellent match making skills of Claire from Sky Sports Magazine, who is an Angel of the First Degree (the highest honour TBIR can bestow on anyone) who put us in touch with Tom Dickinson, the Pie Man extraordinaire and the rest as we say in this industry is gravy.

So here we go. Me, Tom and a plate full of assorted nibbles….

Obvious opening question – Best pie of the 92? Would have to be what’s on offer at Morecambe’s Christie Park. They’re supplied by a local independent company ‘Potts Pies’ and have more taste and depth than any of their rivals. I recommend the steak and ale.

Would you say you were a piexpert (new word created there and sent to Oxford English Dictionary) – could you pass the equivilant of the Pepsi challenge? I can bravely state ‘yes I can easily tell the difference between Hollands and Pukka in a Perpsi challenge!’ I might be less cocky if you had both in front of me though.

John Portsmouth Football Club Westwood

John Portsmouth Football Club Westwood

So next season lets say Tamworth are promoted – what will be your objective? I confess that the excitement of visiting a new ground is NOT about the pie. My journey was in all honesty more about seeing if I could actually visit the 92 grounds in just one season. The pie aspect was a bit of a gimmick, the ‘meaty glue’ that holds the 92 together.

It was about meeting the fans, seeing the different grounds and finding out what role these lower league clubs play in our society (and my adventure along the way)! That’s a bit long winded though so the press caught on to the pie aspect! I was bloody glad to see the back of pies after my 92nd match!   You park up, walk to the ground and pay your money to get in. What’s first – programme, match or pie? I tended to have it (the pie) straight away because clubs often sell out of them at half time, leaving you with a lukewarm grey slap of burger. Nonone wants that.

Any no-nos in terms of pie eating? I admit I’m a southern softy and use a fork. I can’t justify shoving it into my mouth. The more gravy the better! If I had my way I’d bring a hip-flask of gravy to the match and layer the pie in it to take the taste away.

TBIR like a game abroad or two as you know. Have you done a jaunt abroad yet looking for the foreign offering? The foreign pie – it’s something I (distressingly) am yet to encounter. I’m only 23 so I’ve got my years ahead of me to get to some foreign matches. I’m a Bolton fan, and I busted my balls to try and get some UEFA away tickets when we were in the competition a couple of years ago (particularly the Bayern Munich match) but missed out. If I can save some money then some European games will be on the cards sooner rather than later hopefully.

Maybe you can tell me though; do they have pies in the European stadiums? Are they in the bland English meat n potato mould or do they have a suitable slant in each country? Paella pies in spain? Sausage und sauer kraut pie in Deutchland? (insert other poorly thought-out European stereotypes here!).   I am still to find a decent offering abroad in terms of pies. Germany has its bizarre sausage and two rolls plate, Spain has its “bring your own bocadillo” and Italy just has ice cream. Here in Denmark it is your classic sausage and beer combination.

Frank Sinclair at Chester City

Frank Sinclair at Chester City

Have you had the infamous £5 Wembley pie yet? Yes! I have! I saw an England match and bought one. I am incredibly reluctant to say it was actually really good. I wanted to hate it but was proved wrong. Damn Wembley and their tasty corporate pastries.

So why did you decide to turn your back on a normal life and become a footballing hero? I decided to start my trek around Spring 2008, I had just graduated from uni and spent the entire summer working every hour to save enough money for the trip. I knew it would be a fascinating way to spend a year, and would provide a great story for people to read about.

Where did you start and finish? The 92 were all done between August 2008 (Charlton Athletic was my first) and May 2009 (ending at Bolton’s Reebok – to see my team at home for the first time that season!) I had to average between 2 and 3 a week, and often had to go to more, sleeping on floors and in my car all around the country! I became obsessed with meticulously inspecting fixture scheldules to see if it was possible, and (because of the big freeze in January and February) I very nearly failed!

As a world famous author (well so my daughters think) it would be rude not to ask – when’s the book coming out? - Still in discussions with publishers but will hopefully be out early 2010!

Come on – confession time. What dirt can your exclusively reveal to the TBIR readers? I admit a couple of places didn’t have a pie, so I bought the nearest available substitute, think a gloopy meat pastry or something similar!

We are very in to our Non-League football at the moment – especially the Blue Square South. Has your planning reached down that far yet? Non league – again I was so obsessed with the 92 I have had little experience of the non-league sides, it’s on my must-do list of footy adventures though! Now my local side Luton have been relegated I’ve got 3 teams nearby (Luton, Stevenage and St Albans) that I need to get better acquainted with!

Accrington Stanley

Accrington Stanley

Ever need to use a pie as a weapon? No – but seeing 92 games in such quick succession in one season the quality often tired A LOT. At a certain few clubs (Chester, Walsall and Shrewsbury spring to mind) I certainly considered lobbing my pie at the players to get their arses into gear.

As a fully fledged member of the 92 (handing over special TBIR certificate made by Littlest Fuller), what is your favourite ground? - I’m a massive fan of the old crumbly gorgeously shabby stadiums situated in the middle of a football loving community. Take your pick from Brentford, Exeter, Bradford, Fulham, I could name plenty of others. I’m very sad to see the back of Cardiff’s Ninian Park. I went to the new Cardiff City stadium last week, and whilst, yes, it’s big bold and brash it lacks any of the crappy romantic charm that their old ground had in abundance. Other similar bland new identikit grounds like at Colchester, Shrewsbury and the like get my vote as the worst. The best game I saw was either a 5-4 win at Peterborough, Derby’s first league win in an entire year (against Sheffield United) or Port Vale winning 4-3 at Huddersfield! All classics.

So what’s up next? My Scottish mate thinks I should do all the Scot league grounds as a follow up to ‘92 pies’. 42 deep fried Mars bars perhaps?

And there we stopped, tucked into the pies and pasties and started forging a plan for sampling sausages in the Bundesliga. Many thanks to Claire for making this beautiful moment happen, and a big Football Friends Thumbs Up to Tom for sharing his stories with us.

November 17, 2009

When fans bite back….

This has been taken from a post on the Grimsby Town Fan Forum….It has been reproduced in its entirety as it sums up how we all feel sometimes about our teams…Be warned it has an 18 certificate!

Dear Players of Grimsby Town FC

I am writing with regard to my absolute astonishment and disbelief as to the sheer magnitude of your complete lack of talent and failure to carry out the job for which you are paid to do. I am not aware of any swear word or other derogatory phrase in my current vocabulary which comes close to a description of your ‘performance’ (and I use that term loosely) this afternoon, but let me just say that you have collectively reached a level of inadequacy and ineptitude that neither I nor modern science had previously considered possible.

In fact I recall a time, in my youth, when I decided to call in sick at work and instead spent the entire day in my one bedroom flat wearing nothing but my underpants, eating toast and wánking furiously over second-rate Scandinavian porn. Yet somehow, I still managed to contribute more to my employer in that one Andrex-filled day than you complete bunch of toss-baskets have contributed to this club in your entire time here.

I would genuinely like to know how you pathetic little píssflaps sleep at night, knowing full well that you have taken my money and that of several thousand others and delivered precisely fúck all in return. I run a business myself, and I believe I could take any 4,000 of my customers at random; burn down their houses, impregnate their wives and then dismember their children before systematically sending them back in the post, limb-by-limb, and still ensure a level of customer satisfaction which exceeds that which I have experienced at Blundell Park at any time so far this season.

You are a total disgrace, not only to your profession, not only to the human race, but to nature itself. This may sound like an exaggeration, but believe me when I say that I have passed kidney stones which have brought me a greater level of pleasure and entertainment than watching each of you worthless excuses for professional footballers attempt to play a game you are clearly incapable of playing, week-in, week-out.

I considered, for a second, that I was perhaps being a little too harsh. But then I recalled that I have blindly given you all the benefit of the doubt for too long now. Yes, for too long you have failed to earn the air you’ve been breathing by offering any kind of tangible quality either as footballers or as people in general. As such, I feel it’s only fair that your supply runs out forthwith.

I trust, at this precise moment in time, that Mr Fenty is in his office tapping away on the Easyjet web site booking you all one-way flights to Zurich, complete with an overnight stay with our cheese eating friends at Dignitas. Don’t bother packing your toothbrush – you won’t need it.

In the event that our beloved chairman can’t afford the expense (understandable given that he’s soon going to have to assemble a new squad from scratch), then I am prepared to sell my family (including my unborn child) to a dubious consortium of Middle Eastern businessmen in order to pay for the flights. Christ, I’ll drive you there myself, one-by one, without sleep, if I have to.

Failing that, understanding that most dubious Middle Eastern businessmen are tied-up purchasing Premier League football clubs, I ask you to please take matters into your hands. Use your imagination, guys – strangle yourselves or cover yourself in tinfoil and take a fork to a nearby plug socket, or something. Just put yourselves and us fans out of our collective misery.

So, in summary, you pack of repugnant, sputum-filled, invertebrate bástards; leave this club now and don’t you fúcking dare look back. You’ve consistently demonstrated less passion and desire than can commonly be found within the contents of a sloth’s scrótum, so frankly you can just all fúck off – don’t pass go, don’t collect your wages, don’t ever come back to this town again.

I look forward to you serving me at my local McDonald’s drive-thru in the near future.

Yours sincerely

A very disillusioned Mariner”

Absolute classic – FIFA 5 stars to that Man(woman)